Behavior jokes

What is the best part about having sex with 43 year olds?

There are 40 of them.

It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.

I got detention one day. I don’t know why; I only slapped the emo kid on the wrist.

One day I walk up to an emo kid. I realized he had a fresh cut, so I grab my hand and slap his wrist and told him, "I like ya cut, G!"

Why did the cheetah get in trouble at school?

Because he cheated on a test.

What's the difference between a dead baby in my trash can and a discarded sex toy?

...

I'm still trying to think of an answer.

Why does every emo kid try to be like Tarzan? So they can swing on the vine.

Child: Mom, someone told me you talk like an owl.

Teacher: Who?

Child: Oh, it is true, you do talk like an owl!

If you're a simp, just remember, it means "Suckers Idolizing Mediocre Pussy."

I bullied a handicap today.

What is he gonna do? Stand up for himself?

Why are gay men so rude? Because they're fucking assholes.

Two twins were talking in class. I threw a paper airplane at one of them.

Yo mama so stupid, she shoved two AA batteries up her ass and started singing, "I’ve Got The Power!"

When you tell your friend he’s a simp and isn’t offended, say it stands for sucking intensely at monkeys' penises.

Yo, three kids play hide-and-go-seek. Their names are Trouble, Manners, and Shut Up.

Shut Up hit the police station, Manners hit the trashcan. Trouble is the seeker. When they go and hide and all that shit, the policeman comes up to Shut Up and goes, "Hey kid, what's your name?"

Well, Shut Up looks at him and goes, "Shut Up."

Policeman says, "Excuse me, kid, where's your manners at?"

Shut Up goes, "Oh, Manners? In the trash."

Policeman goes, "Oh, Manners in the trash? And then policeman goes, "Hey kid, are you looking for Trouble?"

Then Shut Up goes and says, "No, Trouble's looking for me."

What's the difference between a bear with a gun and an American man with a gun?

The bear has common sense not to fire it.

Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.

When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."

When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."

Why is Cinderella bad at soccer?

She keeps on running from the ball.

Why do they call them a nonce?

Because they go for people who don't have any sense.

Sister: You're so stupid.

Me: Calling me stupid doesn't make you any smarter!