Behavior jokes

It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.

What is the best part about having sex with 43 year olds?

There are 40 of them.

Why are gay men so rude? Because they're fucking assholes.

Two twins were talking in class. I threw a paper airplane at one of them.

What's the difference between a dead baby in my trash can and a discarded sex toy?

...

I'm still trying to think of an answer.

Why did the cheetah get in trouble at school?

Because he cheated on a test.

I got detention one day. I don’t know why; I only slapped the emo kid on the wrist.

Child: Mom, someone told me you talk like an owl.

Teacher: Who?

Child: Oh, it is true, you do talk like an owl!

If you're a simp, just remember, it means "Suckers Idolizing Mediocre Pussy."

One day I walk up to an emo kid. I realized he had a fresh cut, so I grab my hand and slap his wrist and told him, "I like ya cut, G!"

Why does every emo kid try to be like Tarzan? So they can swing on the vine.

I bullied a handicap today.

What is he gonna do? Stand up for himself?

When you tell your friend he’s a simp and isn’t offended, say it stands for sucking intensely at monkeys' penises.

Yo mama so stupid, she shoved two AA batteries up her ass and started singing, "I’ve Got The Power!"

Yo, three kids play hide-and-go-seek. Their names are Trouble, Manners, and Shut Up.

Shut Up hit the police station, Manners hit the trashcan. Trouble is the seeker. When they go and hide and all that shit, the policeman comes up to Shut Up and goes, "Hey kid, what's your name?"

Well, Shut Up looks at him and goes, "Shut Up."

Policeman says, "Excuse me, kid, where's your manners at?"

Shut Up goes, "Oh, Manners? In the trash."

Policeman goes, "Oh, Manners in the trash? And then policeman goes, "Hey kid, are you looking for Trouble?"

Then Shut Up goes and says, "No, Trouble's looking for me."

What's the difference between a bear with a gun and an American man with a gun?

The bear has common sense not to fire it.

Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.

When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."

When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."

The fact I couldn't hear the announcements at my school because the boys in my advisory are clapping with no hands should be a joke just in itself. They were making sexual faces as well, oh, and don't forget the moaning they do.

The boys joking be like:

One guy: "Balls!"

All the other guys: "Hahahahaha!"

What's the difference between your dad and grocery shopping?

He didn't come back with the milk.