Behavior jokes

Ugh... I hate Anons so much, they're annoying as fuck.

I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm. She said, "Is it because I warned him when hotness came?" I said, "No, you don’t shut up!"

My girl is so cute when she sleeps. I watch her all the time... Tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time.

I can never get away from my dog, he follows me everywhere. I think you two would be really good friends.

Yo momma's so ugly, when she threw a boomerang, it refused to come back.

As a fellow emo, I find these very rude and disrespectful. Please take off, or I'll tell Mom.

Also, if anyone knows any high bridges nearby, please tell me (I'm asking for a friend).

P.S. I have no friends.

People, when your lover cheats on you, do this!

1. Start a conversation. 2. Say, "What's that smell?" 3. They will smell around. 4. Say, "OMG, it's a b****," and walk away and ignore them.

What do you call a stalker stalking himself? A narcissist.

I put a magnet in my butthole and made the teachers smell it.

"I love all mankind!" said the cannibal.

It doesn’t make much sense why autistic kids run down the hall screaming racecar noises.

I mean, they aren’t in wheelchairs, so I don’t know why they do it.

You have been a bad boy, so now I will have to pun-ish you!

If you're feeling mad, punch an autistic kid. What's he gonna do, blabber to the teacher?

Americans leave without saying goodbye, and Russians say goodbye without leaving.

Why are people surprised by Johnny Depp having $30,000 wine bills, domestic violence accusations, rampant substance abuse, poor hygiene, and the looks of a predator?

He grew up a Florida Man, after all.

Why did the cheetah get in trouble at school?

Because he cheated on a test.

What makes a cult and a racist family of 5 common?

Not all are friends.

Why do pedophiles go to a nursery?

Early access.

I farted how bout u?

Jantje goes on a walk with his grandmother. Jantje sees 1 dollar on the street and picks it up.

The grandmother says: "Hey, Jantje! No picking up things from the floor! They are ugly and bad!"

Then they keep walking. The grandmother slips and asks Jantje to help her stand up. Jantje answers: "No! Everything on the ground is ugly and bad."