Behavior jokes
What's the difference between an apple and an emo kid?
One falls, while the other hangs.
Go up to someone and say, "I'm sorry for your loss," and see what they do.
What do gum and guns have in common?
When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend all of a sudden.
My kids [are] so damn bad[.] We took them to Disney in Florida. They paid me not to bring them back ever.
A girl walks into the church and confesses.
Girl: "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."
Priest: "How have you sinned, may I ask?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call a man a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "He held my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (He holds the girl's hand.)
Girl: "Yes, Father."
Priest: "That does not explain why you called a man a bitch."
Girl: "He started taking off my clothes."
Priest: "Like this?" (He takes off the girl's clothes.)
Girl: "Yes, Father."
Priest: "That also doesn't explain why you called the man a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off his clothes and put his you know what into my you know what."
Priest: "Like this?" (He puts his you know what into her you know what.)
Girl: "Yes, Father! Yes, Father!"
Priest: "Then what?"
Girl: "Then he got up and left me naked."
Priest: "That son of a bitch!"
There once was a man that wanted to join a group of right-handed men, but he wrote with the other hand. He got left behind.
Why do men sag their pants so low and still wear a belt?
The same reason women bring their purse on a date and don't pay.
"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."
Your mom is so stupid, she thought eating ass was cannibalism.
Why did the chicken cross the road to get away from this conversation?
If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
If a lion ate a child, is the lion a child predator?
Tell me orphan jokes are a really bad joke. People are really orphans, and there is a lot of 'em, and they are all depressed. Who would make fun of depressed people? Well, those dumbass evil people!!
Why did the fastest cat get kicked out of school?
He was a cheetah.
If you're white and you're racist to someone, don't do anything.
Your mama has slept with so many guys, she's starting to look like one.
You get a deep voice, you shit talk to 5 year olds.
What's the difference between you and an idiot? Not very much if you reword and post the same joke over and over.
Three strangers have opened a gay chat; but if one left the chat, the chat would be closed.
Stranger 3: How to turn a straight guy into a gay guy?
Stranger 1: You can't!
Stranger 2: You can.
Stranger 3: How?
Stranger 2: By using the same idea of the Russian experiment; like in a detention, put him in a closed room full of gay stuff, but the difference is that he can sleep, and he will have food for 30 days and a toilet, too.
Stranger 3: Great idea, but who can we try first?
Stranger 1: You all gays are evil monsters.
Stranger 2: I think the stranger 1 is just a straight spy. Let's try this experi-
(The chat has been closed by stranger 1)
Why are gay guys so rude?
Because they’re fucking assholes.