Behavior jokes

"Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?"

A girl in my class started barking, and I yelled out, "Furry!" Everyone started laughing at her, and I felt bad. After school, I asked to drive her home, and one the way there I apologized and then told her to count down from 10 - 1. Before she said one, I yelled, "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" then I jumped out the car.

Johnny is on his way to school when he comes across a frog. With a sudden inspirational thought, he picks the frog up, shoves a firecracker up the frog's arse, lights the cracker, and blows the frog to smithereens.

Now at school, the teacher asks the class: "Has anybody got anything for show and tell this morning?"

Johnny waves his arm in the air and is virtually screaming "Me mis me mis me mis".

"Ok Johnny, what do you have to share with the class today?"

Little Johnny then says, "Well on my way to school today I shoved a cracker up a frog's arse." The teacher interrupts and says, "It's not arse Johnny, It's rectum."

Johnny then says, "Fucking oath it wrecked 'im."

When I dunk my cookies in milk, I think of you. I hold them down until the bubbles stop.

I was checking my shoe in my dad's wallet, and he slapped me. What exactly did I do to warrant the slap?

Gwen, you need to shut up, for once!

"Sigma" - By every boy in my class.

Why did the booty break up with the fart?

It was just too much GASLIGHTING.

Yo, three kids play hide-and-go-seek. Their names are Trouble, Manners, and Shut Up.

Shut Up hit the police station, Manners hit the trashcan. Trouble is the seeker. When they go and hide and all that shit, the policeman comes up to Shut Up and goes, "Hey kid, what's your name?"

Well, Shut Up looks at him and goes, "Shut Up."

Policeman says, "Excuse me, kid, where's your manners at?"

Shut Up goes, "Oh, Manners? In the trash."

Policeman goes, "Oh, Manners in the trash? And then policeman goes, "Hey kid, are you looking for Trouble?"

Then Shut Up goes and says, "No, Trouble's looking for me."

Gwen, do you have to be so happy all the time? Even you don't get the joke!

If you’re ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

Why does a straight guy act gay? Because he wants to feel wanted and wants to be BFFs with the hottest girls.

What's the difference between a dead baby in my trash can and a discarded sex toy?

...

I'm still trying to think of an answer.

Yo momma's so ugly, when she threw a boomerang, it refused to come back.

The date is April 1st.

Somebody asks you what you are doing.

“I guess you could say I’m... fooling around ( ✧≖ ͜ʖ≖)“

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"

"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"

I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."

I walk up to a kid. I ask where his parents are, and he started crying. Then I walked out of the orphanage.

How do you get an emo out of a tree?

You cut the rope.

One day at school, I made fun of a girl who lost her hair from cancer, and my parents made me shave my head.

The next day at school, I made fun of an orphan.

What do you call a pissed off midget?

A micro-aggression.