Behavior jokes
A person could build a playground with your mood swings.
On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.
Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:
"Do you know what arthritis is?"
The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:
"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."
The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.
A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:
"How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."
Why do you want me?
Cus u like me...
What do you mean?
You love me.
No.
Look down.
Habit.
Stop being disrespectful to all those people and their parents. Oh, I forgot, they don't have any parents.
Vital information: if you find a stray dog in an alleyway, don't stare at its eyes.
Your money, you bully's everything you hate.
I walked up to a cat and started to sing a song. The cat said, "HECK NO!" then ran off. I follow it while still singing "BABY COME HOME TO ME!!"
If an emo kid and the quiet kid had a fight, the quiet kid would win because the emo kid would cut himself to death.
Why do women always have sex with the lights off?
Because they never like to see a man having a good time.
Monkeys are big, but they sure can swing very lightly.
Wanna know why people laugh at you? Because your life is a joke.
Mom: It's time for sleep.
Baby: Is that what you think, huh?
Mom: *gives baby pacifier*
Baby: Nice try, hobo.
Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.
*few hours later*
Baby: *still awake*
Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!
Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.
Mother, father, and a son. Father purchased a robot that can detect lies. The robot slaps when you lie.
During dinner time: Father: Son, what have you done today? Son: I watched Netflix, Dad. Robot: Stood up and slapped the son! Son: Okay! Okay! I watched porn, Dad. Dad: What? You watched porn? You are only 14! I never knew porn till I was 18 years of age. Robot: Stood up and slapped the Dad! Mother: Started to laugh and said "Sure he is your son!" Robot: Stood up and slapped the mother!
Hehe
Lesson in laziness number 136894236842: don't be too lazy to read large numbers.
Being mean.
You don't want to know why it takes so long to put a dead woman in a mass-produced coffin in a pre-buried grave dug by machinery that is then filled by mourners.
When you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their mummy?
If you're white and you're racist to someone, don't do anything.
If you're bored, hump Danny and fuck him. What is he, goons do fuck rock?