Behavior jokes

Be nice.

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose 👃, but you can't pick your friends' noses 👃 👃 👃.

Why are gay guys so rude?

Because they’re fucking assholes.

The more they smile, the less they see.

What's the difference between a gun and chips? When you bring it to class, everyone starts wanting to be your friend.

My sister said to roast her, but my mom said I'm not allowed to burn trash.

Why did Bob fall? Because gravity was mad at him.

I'm too lazy to read gags. http://gestyy.com/eiDOWp

What happens to a cannibal who shows up late for dinner? He gets the cold shoulder.

Dad: If you study, then I will buy you a new iPhone.

Son: Okay, I'll do it!

5 hours later...

Son: I'm done!

Dad: I lied.

Son: So did I!

My friend and I got into a fight. I looked straight forward and said, "Look me in my eyes!"

Why do Catholic Irishmen in Ireland have a glory hole in the men's restroom inside their restaurants so they can give Irish kisses on Saint Patrick's Day?

GBM when he sees Soph (gets a boner) and has sex with Soph but realizes he forgot to put on a condom. Soph: "This is why Arsenal fans are so deluded and retarded."

Normal Fans after they lose the game: Good game, you guys played really well. GBM: "BRO REF WHAT THE BLOODY HELL YOU DELUDED ASS RETARD, OMFG WE LOST BECAUSE OF THIS REF!"

Adapt: Hey Adapt, did you know you're smart? Smart for being retarded. Yo Adapt!! You're so stupid that you gave me your Roblox account info and you said thanks about it!!

Barca fans after the LFC vs Barca game: We bottled it, damn it, we'll win the Copa Del Rey tho. Commie after the LFC vs Barca game: "YOU NEVER WALK ALONEEEEEEEEEE" Normal People: I support only 1 team. Commie: I support Barca, LFC, and AEK!! And I'm the biggest plastic in the server!!

Two guys were beating up someone in an alley, so I stepped in to help.

He didn't stand a chance against the three of us.

So, I met Michael Jackson before he died. He dragged me to his bed.

What's the difference between your dad and grocery shopping?

He didn't come back with the milk.

"BlessedBrian must be a SMOKE DETECTOR... because he never fails to kill the vibe."

Family all eating at the table.

Brother: "Hmm, I think I feel gold."

Sister: "Stop the cap."

Brother looks under the table and says, "Nope, just a gold digger."

Dad laughed.

Stepmom storms out of the room.

Your mom walked into another bar and broke all the furniture. Again.

What do you call a teacher who never farts in public? A private tutor.