Behavior jokes

Why does Joe Biden call women muffins?

'Cause muffins backwards is sniffum.

Stop copying each other, fucking losers!

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: It just felt like it.

We can nip March Madness in the bud, but only if we detect the warning signs of brooding, anti-social February Fever.

Jimmy watched in horror as Alex told the suicidal man to do a flip.

My puns drive people nuts; this is usually when I bolt away.

Did you know emos are the highest jumpers? Some of them are still in the air.

Ok, so I know most or all of you guys hate me, and that's fine. You guys most likely know me as a horrible person, which I don't know where you would hear that from.

And finally, I am truly a good person; you just need to know me better. The only reason I fought Tina and Jack was because I was trying to be nice to another guy. Then I realized what side I should have been on. I'm pretty sure everyone on this hates me. Just I'm sorry, and just forgive me. Alya, Tina, Jack, and someone else, I think all are nice people; they just stick up for each other, and that's what I realized. So if you still hate me, it's fine; I'll be leaving this app soon, maybe. Hate makes me sad, even though I use it, but I know what was wrong. I want to join the good side, so just give a chance. This was watersharky's Apologies.

I be ready to commit suicide.

But when it comes to jumping out my window, I'm scared ash.

Monkeys are big, but they sure can swing very lightly.

Why did the moon go to sleep? Because he was bossy.

My teacher asked the class to stand up if you're dumb. No one did, so she said, "Come on, someone must be dumb," and pointed over to the left side of the classroom. Lil Jonny stands up. "Do you think you're dumb, Lil Jonny?" asked the teacher. "No, I just feel bad for you. You're the only one who stood up," replied Lil Jonny!

What do gum and guns have in common?

When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend all of a sudden.

What do a gay man and a tumbleweed have in common?

They blow and blow until they wind up on a fence in Wyoming.

When you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."

Your money, you bully's everything you hate.

If someone's debating the speed of light and a drunk Russian, the Russian would take speed to grab a falling wallet.

You’re the type of person who would pee before a shower.

Someone asked me what the lines on my wrist were from. I answered, "My cat has OCD."