Behavior jokes
How do you know if there's a vegan in the room?
Wait 2 minutes and they'll tell you.
My wife complained about me being childish. So I told her to get out of my fort.
If a kid does not go to sleep during nap time, isn't he resisting a rest?
Q: Why did the duck cross the road?
A: To get to the other side.
Why do Catholic Irishmen in Ireland have a glory hole in the men's restroom inside their restaurants so they can give Irish kisses on Saint Patrick's Day?
Mother, “Johnny, if you keep being this naughty, you’ll get kids who will be very naughty to you!”
Johnny, “Oh mom, you just betrayed yourself there, didn’t you?”
Why did the Russian cross the road?
To get to the other side.
This will happen in your future, though, now because you're mean.
What do emos and ninjas both have in common? They both hide and cut things.
Shaenaya likes goat dick.
Mommy, mommy! Are we liars?
"Shut up and cross your fingers when you say that."
Aren't I badly good?
Why did the kidnapper cross the road?
To get the kids at the playground.
If I were a history teacher, I’d make the two twins stand up and throw a paper airplane at them.
Why do kids like bananas?
'Cause they like doing the nana.
What do you say to your pony when it's being wild?
Stop horsing around!
Is it just me, or everybody has a dark side, like a psycho side, and then you act like crazy for some reason?
Why do pedophiles go to a nursery?
Early access.
You don't usually see strap-hangers carrying newspapers these days.
But one guy with the New York Times is seen getting on a crowded F Train. He notices a single seat not taken. Suspicious, he gets closer and sniffs it out. The seat is discolored but dry. Throwing caution to the winds, he removes a section from the paper and sets it down to buffer the spot from his behind. He sits down, stretches his feet and yells out: "Try sitting on your smartphones, suckers!"
What’s the hardest part about being a pedophile?
Fitting in.