So we were working with a new client at work, and my boss farts. He said, "A little gas never killed anyone."
Why did the black guy cross the road? Because he wanted to.
When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."
Confucius say, "Man who sit in church and fart must sit in pew."
This is mean af. Y'all need to stop this. Like, what the f *ck? What would happen if you all grew up and you were like this? Like, damn.
Why did the kid with Down syndrome get expelled?
He was always tardy.
How do you punish Stevie Wonder for bad behavior?
You move all of the furniture around.
What is the difference between a man peering through the key hole and a woman in the bath?
One is rude and nosy; the other is rude and nosy.
When other people tell a joke, 3/3 people laugh.
When I tell a joke, 1/3 people laugh, but 2/3 people stare into my soul.
Mooning is very astrological!
"I told my kids not to spend all day at a computer, but then I realized I do that myself."
Why am I naughty?
Because I want to be....
What do you call a patronizing criminal walking down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
There are 5 cats on a boat, and 1 jumps off. How many are left?
Zero, they were copycats.
You give some people 2.54 centimeters, and they take 1.6 kilometers.
My wife told me I was immature. I just told her to get out of my pillow fort.
Deutsch: Die, die nichts zu sagen haben, reden viel. Die, die was zu sagen haben, hingegen kaum.
Yo momma's so stupid, she took a shower for 20 minutes after she heard a DIRTY JOKE!
There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station while Manners tried to help Shit.
When Shut up got to the police station he says, "My brother has just been hit by a car."
The policeman replied with, "OK then, first I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"No, I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"Excuse me, but where are your manners?"
"Round the corner picking up shit."
What do you call a short black person?
By their name, you racist!
