Bedroom Jokes

As a murderer, I stabbed a man after infiltrating his house. His wife came in, and saw me. She fell into tears. I got up and said,"Drama queen!"

dont you just hate when your the first one sleep at the sleepover and then you hear ''Prank em John"

How to get a girl in three steps: Step 1: grab a pillow Step 2: grab a blanket Step 3: keep dreaming

One day little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parent's bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing he said playing cards, Little Johnny said who is your partner? dad said his mom on his way up he passed by his sisters room and noticed sheets Bouncing around and asked what she’s doing she said playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul. Next day dad came to ask Johnny a questions The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing he said playing cards. His dad asked him who is his partner was little johnny said you don’t need a partner if you have a good hand

Kenny's favourite part of living in his mom's basement is sleeping with the landlady.

🎆 New Year's Eve

Lil Johnny👦: „Every year the same, people always have to start banging before midnight“

Mom👱🏻‍♀️: „Johnny, would you please leave the bedroom now?“

Dad👨🏻‍🦰: „Son, if you don't leave, it‘ll bang on your head!“

My son came to me depressed, so I pointed to the spare bedroom and said, "Hang in here, son."

"Mommy, mommy, where's my school dress...ewww!" "Shut up and leave the bedroom."

In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.

My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love." I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."

So, there was this cop on the top bunk of a bunk bed. Another cop walks in and sits on the bottom bunk and the cop on the top bunk bed said, "You're under a-rest."©

H: *walks into bedroom* Why are you packing your bags?

W: I heard in New York women get paid $400 for what I do for you for free.

*Later that day*

W: *walks into the bedroom to see husband packing his bags* What are you doing?

H: I’m going with you. I want to see how you live off of $800 a year.

I was up all night because my neighbors were having sex.

*was actually up all night watching*

Ariana Grande agrees with me on something: women belong in the kitchen and bedroom.

Just walked in on my parents doing it! Worst 30 minutes of my life

“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”

How do you know when it's bed time in Netherland?

When the big hand touches the little hand.

2 women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement. Emma turns to Jane and says "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"

Jane replies with "I burnt to death."

Emma, shocked, responds with "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"

Jane answers with "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"r> Emma replies with "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."

Jane retorts with "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."