Foreplay in may areas: "You awake?" ; and way down South : "You awake, mom?"
My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love." I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."
So, there was this cop on the top bunk of a bunk bed. Another cop walks in and sits on the bottom bunk and the cop on the top bunk bed said, "You're under a-rest."©
I was up all night because my neighbors were having sex.
*was actually up all night watching*
Ariana Grande agrees with me on something: women belong in the kitchen and bedroom.
Just walked in on my parents doing it! Worst 30 minutes of my life
How do you know when it's bed time in Netherland?
When the big hand touches the little hand.
The other day my wife said "take me someplace I have never been before, I said why don't you try the kitchen! "
How does a blonde turn the light off after sex? She closes the car door
random Couple after their first night : Husband: it was very tasty.🥵 wife: aww thanks. Hus: does anyone had taste it before? wife:☠️
Man walks in to his bedroom where his wish is carrying a sheep under his arm and says this is the pig I've been fucking.wife says that's not a pig that's a sheep dumbass.husband says I was talking to the sheep
Farmer walks into his bedroom with his wife in bed with a sheep under his arm says this is the pig I'm fucking she say u idiot that's a sheep he says shut up I wasn't talking to you
I woke up on the floor this morning ,I think I woke up on the wrong side thou
I was in the bedroom slapping ur girl, harder than will at the oscars
You’re so short you could use a pillow as your bed and still have some wiggle room.
When your mom comes in at night then sees your... Sleeping, but sees something moving so she gets a chair and wacks it then she says" I thought it was a mouse 🐁"
What is the difference between the human and a tree and a house that has to walk home and walk walk home from school 🏫 was your name in your house 🏡 I did not have any good time for dinner today but I did have a good night sleep and
During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"
So a mom went to her kid and said "If you pray to god, he will give you your sight back" so he did exactly that The next morning the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kids room and asked "whats wrong" the kid replied it didn't work" The mom said "April Fools"
Little Timmy wanted to take a shower with his dad. His dad said don't look down. Timmy looked down. Timmy said "What's that?". Timmy's dad said "that's Mr.wiggles". Timmy wanted to take a shower with his mom. Timmy's mom said don't look down. Timmy looked down. Timmy said "What's that?". Timmy's mom said "that's my garden". Timmy's mom said don't look up. Timmy looked up. Timmy said "What are those?". Timmy's mom said those are her headlights. Timmy wanted to sleep with his parents. His parents said don't look under the covers. Timmy looked under the covers. Timmy yelled "MOMMY, MOMMY, MR.WIGGLES IS ATTACKING YOUR GARDEN! TURN ON YOUR HEADLIGHTS!"
