Bed jokes
I woke up one night and it was really dark in my room. Then my TV started to float out the window. I said, "Drop it, nig-"
What time is bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house?
When the big hand touches the little hand.
Yo mama so scary that the monsters have to look under the bed for her.
Yo mama so ugly that the monsters thought that she was their mother.
Two people are under the covers. The man says, "Quote the Beatles: Come together!"
Sat at a busy intersection with a slice of bread, waiting for a traffic jam.
Cut a hole in the rug so he could see a dirty floor show.
He took hay to bed to feed his nightmare.
Took a tape measure to bed to see how long he slept.
Put his nose out the window so the wind will blow it.
Died with his boots on because he didn't want to hurt his toes when he kicked the bucket.
Question: Why does my teenage brother wear a cape to bed?
Answer: Because he can't sleep in his race car bed...
How do you know when German people break into your house? When you can not find your bed.
Why did Techno die?
They broke his bed.
1 like = 1 kid in the bed with me.
Guy: Say "I'm a man" every time I stop.
Person:
Guy: You walk into a bar.
Person: I'm a man.
Guy: You meet a girl.
Person: I'm a man.
Guy: You and the girl go to a hotel.
Person: I'm a man.
Guy: You guys go on a bed.
Person: I'm a man.
Guy: She whispers into your ear...
Person: I'm a man!
A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another guy. "What's going on here!?" he exclaims.
The wife replies, "See, I told you he was stupid."
What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?
"Wait, I can explain everything!"
My brother Taf likes to pee the bed.
I was going to tell you a cow joke...
But it's pasture bed time.
One night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars. As I lay there, I thought to myself: WHERE'S THE ROOF?
What is a kid's favorite thing to do with their dad?
Play pretend dog in the bed.
Roses are red, violets are blue. Don't touch the beds, they are sticky with white goo.
Rhydon- son.
Rhydon? - mum.
RHYDON DEEZ NUTS! - son.
Jeez, ur like ur father in bed- mum.
XD
I think my dad is too black because whenever he goes to bed and closes his eyes, he disappears. 🤣
Kid's uncle: "Your mum said you can have your friends round tonight! But I'm gonna have to baby sit today."
Kid: "OK THANK YOU."
(AT BED TIME)
Kid: "Please may you stop touching my leg BEN!"
Ben: "I'm not."
(Turns light on) Kid: "UNCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME!!!"