A girl and boy are in bed after sex. The boy goes “I can’t believe they got together after all that shit” girl says “who” boy goes “ my ass cheeks”
Why was the man running around his bed?
Because he needed to catch up on his sleep!!
I woke up one night and it was really dark in my room, then my T.V. started to float out the window. I said "drop it nig-"
How does a peadophile help a kid with maths? He adds the bed, divides the clothes and multiples with the whole classroom.
Why did the dog 🐶 wake up tired?
It had a ruff night. 😂
Why did Mary have a little lamb 🐑? Because a big one was too much in bed.
Sometimes i wish my gf was here that way we could have some fun in my bed, the I realize she's right across the hall. (SWEET HOME ALABAMA)!!
Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately?
Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it
Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow
What time is it when you walk in to the wall ? Time to get to bed 🛏
Last Night I had a dream I was swimming in lemonade... turns out I peed the bed.
Two girls have a sleepover.
Karen: Let's go to bed. Lauren:Fine, but it's early. *Karen wakes up and exits room" *Lauren hears noise* Mikey: Your so much better than my girlfriend Karen. Lauren: *laughs* Lauren: *remembers her boyfriend is Karen's brother Mikey*
1 like= 1 kids in the bed with me
I slept like a log last night.......woke up in the fireplace
Abner’s wife was laying on her death bed. She suddenly used all her strength to sit up and say to her husband, “I must tell you something, or my soul will never know peace. I have been unfaithful to you, Abner. In this very house, not one month ago.” “Hush, dear,” soothed Abner. “I know all about it. Why else have I poisoned you?”
Kid: " Mom I had a scary dream can I come sleep with you and dad " Mom: " sure sweetie sleep in the middle " Kid: " Dad can you get the remote out of my back " Dad: " That isn't the remote "
*Weird background music*
What does Michael Jackson ask little boys before going to bed? Are you sleeping?
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to.
Unless you are in prison
You watch 50 shades of gray, and you turn gray in bed.
Whenever I go to bed, my wife disappears, but whenever I turn on the lights at night she’s back in bed
An asain went to bed at 9:00 woke up at 6 people say he still sleeping
