This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Forehead is so big that you wear a bed sheet for a bandana.
Only one of Kenny's girlfriends has ever said he's good in bed. But she has to. She's his mom.
Person 1: Goodness, when is Michael Jackson going to stop eating these white chocolate truffles? He is already making a goddamn mess on his bed eating a few of them.
Person 2: Well, he cannot resist the little white balls.
What is the second hardest thing in the morning?
Getting up.
When I was a child, my parents told me my uncle was ‘sleeping with the fishes’. At first, I thought he bought a water bed, but I then discovered he was killed and buried at sea.
If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
My day started out great until I woke up
There once was a brother and a sister so one night it's storming really bad and the sister goes into the brothers room and asks " can I stay with you tonight because I'm scared" the brother replies with " yea sure but just don't tell Mom" so the girl climbs into the bed and looks under the sheets to see the boys penis and asks "what's that?" And the boy replies with "that's my pet snake" and the girl asks "can I pet it?" And the boy says "sure just don't tell Mom" and the boy falls asleep and wakes up in a hospital and asks "what happened" and the girl said "I pet the snake but it spit on me so I bit it's head off"
Billy: I'm so use to having you in bed with me, I don't know if I'm ready for this long distance relationship
Sally: Ohh, don't worry brother, I'll just be right down the hall...
What does the cannibal get after a one night stand? Breakfast in bed!
What is the difference between Light , and Hard ?? You can go to sleep with a Light on ..
Sara opens her lunch and reads the letter inside. "I packed your favorite -love mom," Sara reaches in and announces "yay PB and J," Tom goes in his lunch and pulls out a letter " go bye your self something healthy at the cafeteria -Dad," then pulls out 20 bucks and says "nice," they both look at craig as he pulls out a letter. craig reads the letter in his head, it said "WE HAVE YOUR PARENTS, THEY TELL US THEY KEEP THE MONEY UNDER THER BED. BRING $10 000 TO THE RANDAVOU POINT OR THEY WILL BE KILLED. YOU DIDN'T TAKE US SERIOUSLY LAST TIME SO THERE IS MORE PROOF IN YOUR LUNCH." Craig throughs down the letter and pulls a finger out of his lunch. Tom and Sara look shocked, then Craig says "ugh, severed finger, again!"
My little sister called my name a few minutes after I put her to bed. ùshe told me that the was something in her closet. I checked the closet and told her there was nothing there, but told her she could still sleep in my room with me. I was thinking that was the best way to get her out of the room before he noticed I saw him.
Yesterday in my dream I ate a ten pound marshmallow, when I woke up my pillow was gone
What did the pillow say as it fell off the bed?
Oh sheet!
Jesus walks in to a motel throws 3 nails on the counter and says can you put me up for a night
How does a peadophile help a kid with maths? He adds the bed, divides the clothes and multiples with the whole classroom.
Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we'll be happy forever in heaven, eventually."
little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor
