Beat jokes

Skedaddle skedoodle, I'm gonna go beat my noodle.

There's nothing else that can beat up dog.

What's up, dog?

Just my depression!

How do you beat Lady Gaga at Texas hold’em?

Poker face.

What’s the difference between an egg and a wank?

You can beat an egg.

Q: Why did Sally get beat up?

A: She couldn’t fight back.

How do you make Alabama cookies?

Put them in a big bowl and beat for three hours.

So, I know that there are a lot of egg yolks on this website, and I guess I got beat to it, but I'm eggcited to say eggsactly what the eggs say.

I know I'm bad at this, but I hope you will crack up anyway.

What did PETA say when a cheetah won 5 million dollars?

You can't beat a cheetah!

Knock knock.

"Who's there?"

A man with a drum.

"Well, tell him to beat it!"

Friend: How dark is your humor?

Me: .....it...

Friend: No

Me: *smiles* GETS BEAT BY THE MISTRESS AND GETS SCOLDED BY THE MASTER!!!

Friend: Why are you like this?

A penis has a sad life.

His hair is a mess.

His family is nuts.

His neighbor is an asshole.

His best friend is a pussy.

And his owner beats him.

My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse, but I beat her to it.

The egg that beat Kylie Jenner.

One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"

Q: What did the sign say on the whore house?

A: Beat it, we're closed.

I don't get why cancer is so hard to beat. I'm already on stage 4.

What is David Bowie known for when making music? He gets his beats from his kids.

Cancer is so easy to beat. I'm already at stage four!

Cancer is like a video game.

Some people cannot beat it.

I went into a CS:Go lobby and all I heard for ten minutes straight was, "Act like you're hard, but your dad beat you harder."