What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and my Dad?
Isaac Newton didn’t beat me half to death with a pipe wrench.
Beat Jokes
I was hitting my hand, and my mom asked me what I was doing. I said I'm beating my meat.
Whenever I’m bored, I hit up my local orphanage and beat some of them up.
I mean honestly, what are they going to do, tell their parents? 😂😂
What made his beats so bad?
His name.
Why do the cheetahs always beat you? Because they beet-ah.
My friend told me she had a good joke and it beat all mine. I said, "Haha, that is funny!"
Why does the heart listen to music a lot?
Because it loves feeling the beat.
What's the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn't beat cancer.
Skedaddle skedoodle, I'm gonna go beat my noodle.
There's nothing else that can beat up dog.
What's up, dog?
Just my depression!
How do you beat Lady Gaga at Texas hold’em?
Poker face.
What’s the difference between an egg and a wank?
You can beat an egg.
Q: Why did Sally get beat up?
A: She couldn’t fight back.
How do you make Alabama cookies?
Put them in a big bowl and beat for three hours.
So, I know that there are a lot of egg yolks on this website, and I guess I got beat to it, but I'm eggcited to say eggsactly what the eggs say.
I know I'm bad at this, but I hope you will crack up anyway.
What did PETA say when a cheetah won 5 million dollars?
You can't beat a cheetah!
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
A man with a drum.
"Well, tell him to beat it!"
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: .....it...
Friend: No
Me: *smiles* GETS BEAT BY THE MISTRESS AND GETS SCOLDED BY THE MASTER!!!
Friend: Why are you like this?
A penis has a sad life.
His hair is a mess.
His family is nuts.
His neighbor is an asshole.
His best friend is a pussy.
And his owner beats him.
My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse, but I beat her to it.
