Beat jokes
My dad always used to beat me, but he never beat cancer.
Why does the orange 🍊 beat the other fruits 🍎 in every race?
Because it never runs out of juice.
Welcome to the abortion clinic. You make 'em, we scrape 'em. No fetus can beat us.
What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum! You just can't beat it!
What do you call an angry reindeer? RUDE-olph!
What is Santa's favorite breakfast? Snowflakes!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis!
I started beating my washing machine because it wasn't working, my wife started crying.
If you're ever bored, just beat up an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
If your kid beats up an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and my Dad?
Isaac Newton didn’t beat me half to death with a pipe wrench.
I was hitting my hand, and my mom asked me what I was doing. I said I'm beating my meat.
Whenever I’m bored, I hit up my local orphanage and beat some of them up.
I mean honestly, what are they going to do, tell their parents? 😂😂
What made his beats so bad?
His name.
Why do the cheetahs always beat you? Because they beet-ah.
My friend told me she had a good joke and it beat all mine. I said, "Haha, that is funny!"
Why does the heart listen to music a lot?
Because it loves feeling the beat.
What's the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn't beat cancer.
Skedaddle skedoodle, I'm gonna go beat my noodle.
There's nothing else that can beat up dog.
What's up, dog?
Just my depression!
How do you beat Lady Gaga at Texas hold’em?
Poker face.
What’s the difference between an egg and a wank?
You can beat an egg.
Q: Why did Sally get beat up?
A: She couldn’t fight back.