Beat

Beat jokes

What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and my Dad?

Isaac Newton didn’t beat me half to death with a pipe wrench.

I was hitting my hand, and my mom asked me what I was doing. I said I'm beating my meat.

Whenever I’m bored, I hit up my local orphanage and beat some of them up.

I mean honestly, what are they going to do, tell their parents? 😂😂

My friend told me she had a good joke and it beat all mine. I said, "Haha, that is funny!"

What's the difference between me and cancer?

My dad didn't beat cancer.

What’s the difference between an egg and a wank?

You can beat an egg.

So, I know that there are a lot of egg yolks on this website, and I guess I got beat to it, but I'm eggcited to say eggsactly what the eggs say.

I know I'm bad at this, but I hope you will crack up anyway.

Friend: How dark is your humor?

Me: .....it...

Friend: No

Me: *smiles* GETS BEAT BY THE MISTRESS AND GETS SCOLDED BY THE MASTER!!!

Friend: Why are you like this?

A penis has a sad life.

His hair is a mess.

His family is nuts.

His neighbor is an asshole.

His best friend is a pussy.

And his owner beats him.