It’s not rape if she’s a dead bear and I lost my job at the circus.
Bear Jokes
A bear is like your best mate, Harry.
If you stab them, they die from a stab wound.
A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Do you have any problems with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit says, "No." So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.
A fly is 6 inches above water, and a fish sees it and it leaps out and gets the fly. Then a bear grabs the fish and eats it. Then a hunter shot the bear, and a mouse saw some crackers and then leaped on the cracker and ate it. Then a cat runs down to get the mouse, trips, and falls into the water, and that's the story of how six inches can get a pussy wet.
What do you call a bear without an ear?
B.
Why do toy bears have small eyes? Because they were made in China.
There once was a bear and a rabbit, and they hated each other.
The bear and rabbit then stumbled upon a mystical talking tree. The tree said: “I can give you 3 wishes each if you will stop fighting!”
So the bear went first. “I wish all the bears inside the forest are ladies.” And all the bears within the forest became females.
The rabbit said: “I wish I had a helmet.” Rabbit gets the helmet, and the bear looks at him funny.
The bear wishes: “I wish all the bears in the United States are ladies.” The wish was granted.
The rabbit says, “I wish I’ve a bike.” By this point, the bear thinks the rabbit is the stupidest thing he’s ever seen. The rabbit could wish for cash and have all the bikes in the world.
The bear says: “I wish all the bears inside the world are women.” The wish is granted.
While it’s the rabbit’s turn to wish, he puts on his helmet, gets on his bike, and says: “I wish that bear is gay.”
What's brown and hairy? A bear.
What's brown, hairy, and is in love with Ethan Herbst? Arij.
I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly, a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs.
Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
Why can't Pooh Bear catch a date?
Because he is always talking about his honey.
A bear walks into a bar and asks the barkeep, "Can I have a grilled . . . cheese?"
The barkeep asks the bear, "What's with the big pause?" The bear says, "Well, I'm a bear."
Two men are hunting. One asks: "Did you ever hunt bear?" The other one answers: "No, but one time I went fishing in my shorts."
What did one bear reply to his bad pun?
"Bear with me!"
Why don't we wrestle bears?
The pain is un-bearable.
Actually, it isn't a bear joke, but bear with me here...
What do you call a person who smokes?
Smokey the Bear.
Why aren't koalas actual bears?
Because they don't meet the koalafications.
Knock knock. Who's there? Bear. Bear who? Bear bum!
Yo mama is so stupid, she thinks Bear Grylls is a restaurant.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug in his living room. It's not dead or anything, it's just too scared to move.
