Bad jokes
Why did the guitar teacher get arrested?
He fingered A minor (get it, like the chord A minor)?
What game does a suicidal person who is very bad at word or guessing games love?
Hangman.
Kelly Clarkson wants to be Rosie O'Donnell so badly. Too bad Kelly is the "Queen of Incest" and not the "Queen of Nice".
(And Kelly came from a sundown town in the Deep South, and not from Long Island.)
Question: What do you call 8 apples?
Answer: The iPhone 8.
Girl: Daddy, I've been a bad girl.
Priest: For the last time, it's "Father, I have sinned."
Déjà Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
Wanna hear something bad? A pile of dead babies.
Wanna hear something worse? The one at the bottom is still alive.
Wanna hear something worse than that? He has to eat his way out.
Wanna hear something that's the worst? He comes back for seconds.
I realized that a really bad joke and my life are the exact same thing.
A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing.
The beer bottle says: "If you break me, you get one year of bad luck."
The mirror scoffs: "Oh, that's nothing. You break me and you get 7 years of bad luck."
The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing.
What's so special about bullets?
They do work after they are fired.
A black man walked into a bar. Another guy invited him over for a drink. They spent the rest of the night drinking and having a good time.
What do you call a steak that tastes bad?
A MISsteak.
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
Why is America bad at chess? We already lost two towers.
Your hairline shape is so badly shaped like a M, me and my friends thought it was McDonald's.
Why are Americans so bad at Chess?
They're missing two towers.
What do you get when you cross a cold wind with a feather?
A brrrrrrrr-d!
Three doctors go into a room to get rid of a dead guy's body. They notice when they walk over that he has a boner. The first doctor decides, "Why not fuck him? He still has a boner left in him." The second says, "Well, he's dead, and I am a virgin." The third one says, "I can't, I'm on my period," and then says, "Okay, why not? He's already dead. It's not like he doesn't smell bad." After all that, they go to walk out, and the guy pops up and says, "Thanks for saving my life, pumping blood back into my body..."
Bad Hitler puns are infuhrerating.
I am reading a horror book in braille.
Something bad is going to happen. I CAN FEEL IT!