Baby jokes
What is the state of California best for? Screwing everything up!
What is the state of Florida for? Rednecks for days!
What is the state of Texas for? Guns!
What is the state of Utah for? Mormons and Pligs baby! (I hate all of the religious stuff!)
What is the state of Idaho for? Calling other people Ho's, mostly!
What is the state of Nevada for? Ever heard of gambling?
What is the state of Delaware for? Literally anything that isn't exciting!
What is the state of New York for? In my state of mind, it's a song! (If you don't get this one, look up the song of New York State of Mind)
Why did the failed abortion climb up the woman’s leg?
It was homesick.
What's a baby orphan's favorite joke?
"When am I gonna see my parents?"
Lmao.
I told people your mom is also known as "MBD" because you're a mega baby dispenser.
A baby and his father are sitting in a street cafe. A woman bends over to pick up her keys just as a gust of wind blows up the woman's dress. "va va voom," the baby says. The dad chuckles and says, "Yes. I'd like to have sex with her too."
Memes
What is scarier than a pile of dead babies?
The bottom one ate its way out!
How do you quiet a baby down?
Make baby back ribs for dinner.
Little Johnny’s father walks into the bathroom and catches him masturbating. He says, “Son, every time you do that, you kill an innocent baby.”
The next day, his father walks into the bathroom and catches him again. Johnny says, “Bow your head, Dad. Can’t you see we’re having a funeral?”
What's the difference between a truck full of babies and a truck full of bowling balls?
You can only unload one of them with a pitch fork.
Travis has baby hands.
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
Take your foot off its head.
A pregnant woman enters the hospital with her concerned husband. As she goes into labor, a group of doctors asked him if he would like to try a device that transfers your spouse's pain to the father's nervous system.
He agrees and the doctors turn the dial on the device to 10%. Strangely, the man felt little pain. They continued to adjust the dial until it stopped at 100%, yet the man felt nothing. Later on, the wife had delivered the baby and the pair left the hospital with a healthy baby only to find the milkman laying on their stairs with a puddle of blood around his head, shaking uncontrollably.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to catch some pail of water.
Jack came down, and then Jill came tumbling after, so they had a baby...
Now from the top, make it drop, that's a WAP, that's a WAP.
What is red, white, and blue and makes me proud to live in this country?
The baby in the corner I choked, stabbed, and then came on.
What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? You can't peanut butter your dick up a dead baby's ass.
How do you make a baby astronaut sleep?
You rock-it!
What did Sophie Brussaux's baby get every week?
A face full of sperm.
Why was the baby Dinosaur an orphan?
His family was blown up by meteors.
What is not the definition of prostitution?
A dumb blonde that got money for babysitting. Does it cycle now?