Baby jokes
What's small, brown and crispy?
A baby in an oven.
Jack and Jill went up to an abandoned house.
Jack drank too much and unzipped his fly. Jack said, "You know you wanna." Jill said, "No." So Jack locked both of them in the house and put a gag in Jill's mouth, tied her to a bed. He ripped off her dress and underwear. He took off his pants and his underwear too, then put on a condom. He then put a pill in her mouth and made her swallow. One minute later she was asleep. He took off her gag and mounted himself on her, then stuck his "candystick" in her mouth, next her fanny. Then his condom broke, but he was too drunk to notice. Nine months later a baby's born and Jack's in jail as the father.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby?
Both of their legs don't work.
Me: I’m going to get burrito 🌯
Friend: You can have my burrito baby.
Gay.
Friend: *begins to moan*
Me: Finna hang up.
Why can't you fool an aborted baby?
Because it wasn't born yesterday.
Hi
"You are stupid. You can’t even ride a baby pony!"
I have eaten 6 babies, 9 adolescent children, and 2 infants in the past week ;p
What does the Peanut Butter Baby say?
"Ah!"
Knob Klondike, I want Ellen. Poobiess, please. I want big juicy pobs in me right now. Ellen girl, give milk boob to me with good Pochyy, babie.
If babies stay in their mothers for 9 months, are they not 9 months old when they are born?
What's the best part of having sex with a baby?
Deep throat and anal at the same time.
What does Adam look like?
The fat ginger baby of Boss Baby.
Yo mama so fat, COW!
What’s the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
About 140 calories.
Q: How do you deliver an autistic baby?
A: A clothes hanger.
Why are lamps so scared? Because someone might throw them away.
I approached her in the checkout line and said, "Yo baby wassup?"
Mommy, why is my name Brick???
Mom: When you were a little baby, a brick dropped on your head.
Mommy, why is my name Rose???
Mom: When you were a little baby, a rose petal dropped on your head.
Brick walks in, "Blagudnunag."
What's the difference between a baby and a salad?
I'm not in jail for tossing a salad.
Don’t have sex. Because you will get pregnant. And die.