Baby jokes
What song did the Titanic victims listen to as they died?
Ice, Ice Baby!!
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One screams when you put it in a blender, and the other one is a cooperative little fruit.
Ex: baby i miss u.
Me: sorry i can't talk, i'm at a funeral.
Ex: who died?!
Me: my feelings 4 u, bitch.
What's the difference between $1 million and baby teeth?
I don't have $1 million in my wallet.
What's grosser than gross? A truckload of dead babies.
What's grosser than that? A live one at the bottom.
What's grosser than that? When he eats his way out.
Grosser than that? When he goes back for more.
Are you George Floyd?
'Cause baby, you take my breath away... OOF!
They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.
Yesterday, I was babysitting this woman's child. Everything was going perfectly.
I got hungry and called the mother. I asked if she wanted the baby back ribs I was cooking, but she said she didn't want any.
When she arrived she started screaming and ran to her child. I don't see why she was so upset, she said she didn't want any.
I like my women like I like my microwaves.
Hot, ready to go when I am, and able to kill any baby I put in her.
What's red and screams when you shake it?
A skinned baby in a bag of salt.
My bumper sticker says: "👋FORMER BABY ON BOARD."
I have a better method of abortion than currently used. It's like a regular one, except you can get free food out of it... We're about to give baby-back ribs a whole new meaning.
What do you call blue and orange at the bottom of a pool?
A baby with flat armbands!
What do an abortion and a baby have in common?
The mom doesn't want either of them.
What's the difference between a Doberman Pinscher and a Social Worker?
Eventually, you can get a baby back from a Doberman Pinscher.
A woman having labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said Doc to the worried husband.
“Those are just contractions.”
What do you call a baby on the battlefield?
Free shield!
I make baby mush.
What did the blonde say when someone says, "Your baby is so cute?"
"For the last time, I don't want to sign up my child for Tindergarten just yet!"
What's the difference between a newborn baby and an orphan after a rugby match?
They both come out bloody and crying, but at least one gets picked up.