Baby jokes
What's the difference between Jesus and a dead, naked baby?
I don't worship Jesus.
What's worse than a baby in a trash can?
A baby in 10 trash cans.
What goes pop pop sizzle sizzle?
Two dead babies in an acid bath.
How do you make a baby cry?
You run over it with a lawn mower.
My mom asked my doctor, "Why is my unvaccinated baby crying?"
The doctor replied, "He's going through a midlife crisis."
Memes
Why do priests dunk babies in water at their baptism? Because it's important to wash your sex toys.
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers.”
She replies: “Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”
To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.
If your baby can unhook your bra, is it time to stop breastfeeding?
What did the mother cow say to the baby cow?
"It's pasture bed time."
I was going to tell a joke about babies, but I decided to abort.
What is blue and wiggling on my floor?
A baby in a bag.
What happens when you put a baby in a blender?
The baby is a cherry smoothie.
what's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? the trampoline doesn't cave in when i jump on it.
You know a piranha can devour a small child in 30 seconds. Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?
Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.
I can't decide which side to take on abortion; on one hand it kills babies and on the other it gives women a choice...
I have a saying. Whenever you find a sink, there's probably a dead baby inside it...
Your mama so ugly, when the baby came out of her, the baby didn't cry. The baby said, "What the hell is this shit?" and walked out of the hospital.
What's the difference between a rock and a dead baby?
You can't fuck a rock.