Baby jokes
If your baby can unhook your bra, is it time to stop breastfeeding?
How do you stop a baby from drowning? pt. 2
-Harpoon it.
What do you get when you throw a baby into the wheat thresher? An erection.
Why are babies called bundles of joy?
When you break the bundle, it gives you joy.
My bumper sticker says: "👋FORMER BABY ON BOARD."
I have a saying. Whenever you find a sink, there's probably a dead baby inside it...
How do you fit 100 babies in a bowl? A blender.
How do you get them out? Tortilla chips.
How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thin you slice them. -Hope Marie Lawson
What do you call a baby in a blender? A baby blender!
What's the difference between $1 million and baby teeth?
I don't have $1 million in my wallet.
Q: How do you get 10 babies in a trashcan?
A: With a blender.
Q: How do you get them out?
A: Chips.
Why did little Susie fall off the swing?
Because she has no arms or legs.
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
Not Susie.
The secret to dark humor is the delivery... oh wait, the baby was stillborn.
What goes 100mph and bounces up and down? A baby tied to the back of a truck.
I like my women like I like my microwaves.
Hot, ready to go when I am, and able to kill any baby I put in her.
Your mama so ugly, when the baby came out of her, the baby didn't cry. The baby said, "What the hell is this shit?" and walked out of the hospital.
What did the blonde say when someone says, "Your baby is so cute?"
"For the last time, I don't want to sign up my child for Tindergarten just yet!"
How long does it take for 5 babies to die in the microwave?
I don't know, I can't count while I masturbate...
Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?"
His mother replies, "The stork brings them."
Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the stork?"
What's the difference between a baby and garlic bread? I feel bad when I drop garlic bread.