Q. How many babies does it take to shingle a roof?

A. Depends how thin you slice them.

Most people smother babies with love. I smother them with pillows

How do you get a baby to stop crawling in circles? You nail its other hand to the floor.

What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

One is a refreshing summertime snack the other one is a watermelon.

A baby skunk’s mother gets hit by a car, so the baby skunk doesn’t know what he is. So the baby skunk walks up to a baby bunny and asks ‘What are you?’, the baby bunny replies ‘Well I’m a baby bunny. What are you?’ the baby skunk says 'Well I don’t know am I a baby bunny too?' the baby bunny says ‘No you’re not a baby bunny.’ so the baby skunk asks 'Well what am I then?' the baby bunny replies ‘Well you’re not exactly blank and you’re not exactly white so you must be Mexican.’

what is the difference between a baby and a watermelon, one smashes open when you hit it with a sledge hammer and the other is a water melon

What did the deaf, blind, mute, and paralyzed baby get for Christmas?


How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby its a “choice”. But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children its called “murder”.

What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday?

Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.

What’s the difference between dark humour and morbid humour?

Dark humour is 10 babys in a trash can Morbid humour is 1 baby in 10 trash cans

whats the differnece between a baby and a trampoline. the trampoline doesnt cave in when i jump on it

Why cant two chinese people have a white baby ?

Because two wongs dont make a white

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?

You nail its other hand to the ground.

Babies can spread a nasty smell,

especially when you haven’t fed them for a month.

My mum told me to stop playing with my sister; she said at least wait for her to be born first.

What do you get when you put a baby in a box of razor blades, and throw it down the stairs?

An erection!

Whats the difference between a baby and an onoin? The baby cries when I cut it but an onion makes me cry when I cut it.

Why won’t Trump be subject to impeachment? Answer: Because Republicans in Congress insist that every baby be brought to full term!

Two baby seals walk into a club

Whats the difference between a baby and garlic bread. I feel bad when I drop garlic bread.