Baby jokes

What's cold, blue and makes women cry?

Cot death.

I have no dad, no milk, and no mom, so that means no tits, like if you can relate.

Me, holding a baby: "Oh my God, it's so cute!"

Also me: "Throw it."

The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"

What is blue and sits in a corner? A baby in a baggy.

"Dick me down shorts."

So.. err actually, don’t worry. I was gonna make a joke about dead babies, but I had to abort.

What did the baby cow say to the mommy cow when he saw a hamburger?

"Mommy, is that Uncle Joe?"

What's the difference between an apple and a dead baby?

I don't jizz on an apple before eating it.

Hello, welcome to Joe’s Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I help you today?

Jack and Jill went up the hill, had some fun, now they have 4 babies.

One morning a dad was sitting and watching TV.

His daughter comes in and says, "Dad! Why is my name Rose?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head." "Cool," Rose said.

The second daughter walked in and said, "Dad! Why is my name Daisy?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Awesome," Daisy said.

The third daughter came in and said, "DuUuUDeEeEeDrrrrrrrrr!!!" "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!!!"

What's worse than 5 babies tied to 5 trees?

1 baby tied to 5 trees.

What's the difference between a baby and a brick?

A brick doesn't cry when you throw it on a wall.

Why are baby elephants so smart? They hang out with friends!

A guy and a woman are walking into a forest. The woman says she is lonely. The guy then says, "Don't worry, there will be a third person in a little while."

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby?

Both of their legs don't work.

Stop with the dead baby jokes. We're running out of babies.

How to make a baby make funny faces?

Put it feet first in a blender.

What did the mom say when her child came out?

"The head was so big!"