Baby Jokes

Hello, welcome to Joe’s Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I help you today?

Yo mama so hairy,when the baby came out,the baby died because of carpet burning

What bumps up and down at 100km an hour?

A baby tied to the back of a speeding truck

Whats the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

One is fun to hit with a sledge hammer, and the other is just a watermelon.

Why did the shark fisherman stop at the abortion clinic? Because dead babies make the best chum! :)

What's the difference between a baby and a ball. If you inflate the ball it won't explode.

A womens knitters group is having a meeting and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies. One woman says "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system". Another knitter says "I'm taking Folic acid to help my baby's brain". Finally one woman says "I'm taking Thalidomide". All the women turn to her and say "Thalidomide ! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?" The woman shrugs her shoulders and says "I don't know how to knit arms". (Told to me by a woman knitter)

what's the difference between cancer and a baby... There is none

abortion jokes are like the babies; they never get old

when you were born your mom said you were out of bounds so you went flying out of the hospital

Do you put a baby in the microwave covered or uncovered?

Covered, it can take weeks to clean up the explosion.

what has 4legs, than 3 legs, than 2 legs, than 1 leg, than no legs

a baby you cut one off each time

What is worse than a dead baby in a trash can? 100 dead babies in a trash can. What is worse than that? There's a live one at the bottom. What is worse than that? It eats its way out. What is worse than that? It comes back for seconds.

What is the difference between a refrigerator and a baby, The refigerator dosent cry when i put my meat in it

What song did the Titanic victims listen to as they died?

Ice, Ice Baby!!

How do you put a baby alien to sleep?

You rocket. 🚀🚀🚀

I was about to make a baby joke but then decided to abort

So a woman gives birth to a child and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down and starts swinging it around the room and slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go you sick bastard!”, and the doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”