Baby jokes

Did you hear the joke about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.

How do planets have a baby?

They have spasex.

So I left my mom with my baby, and I was terrified when I came back; the wheelchair was in the water.

Why can’t baby ducks lay eggs? Because their quacks are too small.

What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!

Person: You suck!

Me: Tell that to your mom, and she’ll say the same thing, honey. 😎

What's the difference between three dead babies and a Ferrari?

I don't own a Ferrari.

I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.

They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.

What do you call a premature Chinese baby birth? Wong Tai-Ming.

What did mommy spider say to baby spider?

You spend too much time on the web.

What's the same thing between a baby and a grenade?

They both make a sound when thrown.

What did the south tower say to the baby north tower?

"Here comes the airplane!"

What's a little white dot on a priest's dick? A baby tooth.

What kind of ankle are you? A broken ankle.

What time do babies get dirty?

Playtime.

An American mother has 3 children. The first child asked his mum: "Why is my sister called Crazy Horse and my brother Rushing Water?"

Mum: "Because those were the first thing I saw after i gave birth to them. Why are you asking all these questions, two dogs fucking?"

What's hard about walking through a bunch of dead babies?

My dick.

Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense. Baby, we didn’t spend all that time in the closet for nothing.

I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."

"But why?" I replied.

"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.

"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.

What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.