Baby jokes

What kind of ankle are you? A broken ankle.

What time do babies get dirty?

Playtime.

What do you call a premature Chinese baby birth? Wong Tai-Ming.

What did mommy spider say to baby spider?

You spend too much time on the web.

What do you call a baby Mexican? A paragraph because they aren’t a full essay.

An American mother has 3 children. The first child asked his mum: "Why is my sister called Crazy Horse and my brother Rushing Water?"

Mum: "Because those were the first thing I saw after i gave birth to them. Why are you asking all these questions, two dogs fucking?"

What's hard about walking through a bunch of dead babies?

My dick.

I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."

"But why?" I replied.

"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.

"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.

Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense. Baby, we didn’t spend all that time in the closet for nothing.

What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.

The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"

What's brown and in a baby's diaper?

Michael Jackson's hand.

What do dead babies and fruit have in common? Both can become smoothies with the help of a blender!

What's the difference between an orphan and a baby?

The orphan gets back up.

If a baby dies in the womb, is it considered suicide?

What is a failed abortion? Annabelle.

A father is talking to his three kids.

Kid 1: Why is my name Rose?

Dad: Because when you were a kid, a rose fell on your head.

Kid 2: Why is my name Lily?

Dad: Because a lily fell on your head when you were a baby.

Kid 3: Auughhghhhggghhh!

Dad: Oh hey, Brick.

What does a paedophile say when he gets to heaven?

A: Where's the holy baby?

Butthole.

Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?

Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they all said, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"