Baby jokes

How do planets have a baby?

They have spasex.

So I left my mom with my baby, and I was terrified when I came back; the wheelchair was in the water.

Why can’t baby ducks lay eggs? Because their quacks are too small.

I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.

They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.

What do you call a premature Chinese baby birth? Wong Tai-Ming.

What did mommy spider say to baby spider?

You spend too much time on the web.

What's the same thing between a baby and a grenade?

They both make a sound when thrown.

What did the south tower say to the baby north tower?

"Here comes the airplane!"

What's a little white dot on a priest's dick? A baby tooth.

Person: You suck!

Me: Tell that to your mom, and she’ll say the same thing, honey. 😎

What's the difference between three dead babies and a Ferrari?

I don't own a Ferrari.

What kind of ankle are you? A broken ankle.

What time do babies get dirty?

Playtime.

What's hard about walking through a bunch of dead babies?

My dick.

An American mother has 3 children. The first child asked his mum: "Why is my sister called Crazy Horse and my brother Rushing Water?"

Mum: "Because those were the first thing I saw after i gave birth to them. Why are you asking all these questions, two dogs fucking?"

I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."

"But why?" I replied.

"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.

"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.

Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense. Baby, we didn’t spend all that time in the closet for nothing.

What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.

The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"

What's the difference between an orphan and a baby?

The orphan gets back up.