Baby jokes

Person: You suck!

Me: Tell that to your mom, and she’ll say the same thing, honey. 😎

What kind of ankle are you? A broken ankle.

What time do babies get dirty?

Playtime.

What do you call a premature Chinese baby birth? Wong Tai-Ming.

What did mommy spider say to baby spider?

You spend too much time on the web.

I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.

They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.

An American mother has 3 children. The first child asked his mum: "Why is my sister called Crazy Horse and my brother Rushing Water?"

Mum: "Because those were the first thing I saw after i gave birth to them. Why are you asking all these questions, two dogs fucking?"

What's hard about walking through a bunch of dead babies?

My dick.

I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."

"But why?" I replied.

"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.

"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.

Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense. Baby, we didn’t spend all that time in the closet for nothing.

What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.

The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"

What's brown and in a baby's diaper?

Michael Jackson's hand.

What do dead babies and fruit have in common? Both can become smoothies with the help of a blender!

What's the difference between an orphan and a baby?

The orphan gets back up.

If a baby dies in the womb, is it considered suicide?

What is a failed abortion? Annabelle.

A father is talking to his three kids.

Kid 1: Why is my name Rose?

Dad: Because when you were a kid, a rose fell on your head.

Kid 2: Why is my name Lily?

Dad: Because a lily fell on your head when you were a baby.

Kid 3: Auughhghhhggghhh!

Dad: Oh hey, Brick.

What does a paedophile say when he gets to heaven?

A: Where's the holy baby?

Butthole.