Baby jokes

So, one day I was walking home from school with my best friend, Sally. She was worried to get home because she was going to tell her mom that Bob, the class rep, got her pregnant eight months ago, and now it was obvious she was pregnant. So I said, “Sally, it’ll be okay, I’m sure she’ll be happy to get a grandson.” “Yeah, thanks, Suzy,” she said to me, then went into her house.

The next few weeks she didn’t show up to school, so I was like, oh, she must be in trouble with her mom. I’ll go check on her.

So I walk up to her house and her mom answers with a baby boy in her hands. “Oh, hello. Is that Sally’s son?!! Can I see Sally?” Her mom says sure, and I go inside, but she leads me to the backyard and I see a tombstone. “Here lies Sally 2004-2020.” So I ask her mom in tears, “Oh, did she not make it through the birth?” And her mom replied, “You could say that...”

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

Well, it's not 8 because my basement is still dark.

One morning a dad was sitting and watching TV.

His daughter comes in and says, "Dad! Why is my name Rose?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head." "Cool," Rose said.

The second daughter walked in and said, "Dad! Why is my name Daisy?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Awesome," Daisy said.

The third daughter came in and said, "DuUuUDeEeEeDrrrrrrrrr!!!" "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!!!"

What do you call a baby kangaroo? Joey.

What do you call a 6 year old named Joey? Supper.

What's better than 5 babies in one dumpster?

1 baby in 5 dumpsters.

When Chinese babies are born, they should put "MADE FROM CHINA."

What’s bad about swinging a dead baby above your head?

Stopping it with the shovel!

How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?

I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.

One day, Little Johnny came home with his girlfriend and told his dad, "We're gonna go to my room and do some homework." His dad said okay. Five minutes later, Little Johnny's dad heard noises coming from his room, so he went to go see what it was, and all he heard was, "Baby, baby, oh, baby, baby, oh." Little Johnny's dad started banging on the door and said, "Little Johnny, what are you doing in there?" Then Little Johnny said, "Dad, we're just having sex." Then Little Johnny's dad said, "Oh, I thought you were listening to some Justin Bieber up in here."

What color would the confetti be at a baby shower in 2025?

Orange because they're having a they/them baby.

Why is Johnson’s baby shampoo the best lubricant for anal sex?

- No more tears.

Two Asian people have a black baby.

Something wrong.

A baby seal walks into a club...

What do you get when you throw a pile of dead babies into a fryer?

Kentucky Fried Children!

What's it called when you eat those same babies?

Finger Lickin' Good!

Person 1: Why did you put the baby feet first into the blender?

Person 2: To see his facial expression. Why else?

What do you get when you put a baby in a box filled with glass and nails and push it down the stairs?

... A boner.

What is the difference between eating a baby and a doughnut?

Babies are healthier.

What does the man say about his baby sister Lydia? "I hope she electrocutes herself!"

What's worse than throwing a baby off a cliff?

Catching it with a pitchfork.

A guy and a woman are walking into a forest. The woman says she is lonely. The guy then says, "Don't worry, there will be a third person in a little while."