Baby jokes

One morning a dad was sitting and watching TV.

His daughter comes in and says, "Dad! Why is my name Rose?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head." "Cool," Rose said.

The second daughter walked in and said, "Dad! Why is my name Daisy?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Awesome," Daisy said.

The third daughter came in and said, "DuUuUDeEeEeDrrrrrrrrr!!!" "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!!!"

What's the difference between a dead baby and an orange?

I don't keep a trash bag full of oranges in my basement.

What do you call a baby kangaroo? Joey.

What do you call a 6 year old named Joey? Supper.

What's better than 5 babies in one dumpster?

1 baby in 5 dumpsters.

When Chinese babies are born, they should put "MADE FROM CHINA."

What’s bad about swinging a dead baby above your head?

Stopping it with the shovel!

How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?

I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.

One day, Little Johnny came home with his girlfriend and told his dad, "We're gonna go to my room and do some homework." His dad said okay. Five minutes later, Little Johnny's dad heard noises coming from his room, so he went to go see what it was, and all he heard was, "Baby, baby, oh, baby, baby, oh." Little Johnny's dad started banging on the door and said, "Little Johnny, what are you doing in there?" Then Little Johnny said, "Dad, we're just having sex." Then Little Johnny's dad said, "Oh, I thought you were listening to some Justin Bieber up in here."

What color would the confetti be at a baby shower in 2025?

Orange because they're having a they/them baby.

Why is Johnson’s baby shampoo the best lubricant for anal sex?

- No more tears.

Two Asian people have a black baby.

Something wrong.

A baby seal walks into a club...

What do you get when you throw a pile of dead babies into a fryer?

Kentucky Fried Children!

What's it called when you eat those same babies?

Finger Lickin' Good!

Person 1: Why did you put the baby feet first into the blender?

Person 2: To see his facial expression. Why else?

What do you get when you put a baby in a box filled with glass and nails and push it down the stairs?

... A boner.

What is the difference between eating a baby and a doughnut?

Babies are healthier.

What does the man say about his baby sister Lydia? "I hope she electrocutes herself!"

What's worse than throwing a baby off a cliff?

Catching it with a pitchfork.

A guy and a woman are walking into a forest. The woman says she is lonely. The guy then says, "Don't worry, there will be a third person in a little while."

What is the difference between Sir Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?

Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin.