Baby jokes
What's the difference between a dead baby and an orange?
I don't keep a trash bag full of oranges in my basement.
What do you call a baby kangaroo? Joey.
What do you call a 6 year old named Joey? Supper.
What's better than 5 babies in one dumpster?
1 baby in 5 dumpsters.
When Chinese babies are born, they should put "MADE FROM CHINA."
What’s bad about swinging a dead baby above your head?
Stopping it with the shovel!
Memes
How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?
I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.
One day, Little Johnny came home with his girlfriend and told his dad, "We're gonna go to my room and do some homework." His dad said okay. Five minutes later, Little Johnny's dad heard noises coming from his room, so he went to go see what it was, and all he heard was, "Baby, baby, oh, baby, baby, oh." Little Johnny's dad started banging on the door and said, "Little Johnny, what are you doing in there?" Then Little Johnny said, "Dad, we're just having sex." Then Little Johnny's dad said, "Oh, I thought you were listening to some Justin Bieber up in here."
Two Asian people have a black baby.
Something wrong.
What do you get when you throw a pile of dead babies into a fryer?
Kentucky Fried Children!
What's it called when you eat those same babies?
Finger Lickin' Good!
What color would the confetti be at a baby shower in 2025?
Orange because they're having a they/them baby.
A baby seal walks into a club...
Person 1: Why did you put the baby feet first into the blender?
Person 2: To see his facial expression. Why else?
Why is Johnson’s baby shampoo the best lubricant for anal sex?
- No more tears.
What do you get when you put a baby in a box filled with glass and nails and push it down the stairs?
... A boner.
What does the man say about his baby sister Lydia? "I hope she electrocutes herself!"
What is the difference between eating a baby and a doughnut?
Babies are healthier.
What's worse than throwing a baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
A guy and a woman are walking into a forest. The woman says she is lonely. The guy then says, "Don't worry, there will be a third person in a little while."
What is the difference between Sir Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?
Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin.
The pastor sees little Johnny sitting on the church steps. Little Johnny is fixated on something. The pastor looks closer and sees that Johnny is stirring up something in an old coffee can. He says, "What you got there little Johnny?"
"This here is turpentine, the most POWERFUL liquid in the world!", says Johnny.
The pastor shakes his head, sits down next to Johnny, and says, "Now you know that's not true, son. Holy water is the most powerful liquid in the world. One drop of holy water on a pregnant woman's stomach and the next morning she'll pass a baby boy."
Little Johnny says, "Well that may be true, but one drop of this on a cat's ass and he'll pass a motorcycle!"