New Away Jokes

Iran: Prepare the FINAL SOLUTION.

Israel: And you'll be telling the whole world, "I-RAN AWAY!"

A boy sat in his bed, watching a meteor shower. He was a vengeful child and wished that his parents would no longer bother him whilst he was gaming.

The next morning, he woke up to find his mother had passed away in the night. Clearly his wish had worked. However, his father worked a midnight job, and as such the boy was very confused when he returned home from work, expecting him to have met the same fate.

The two of them then looked out the window in thought, only to find the milkman lying dead on the pavement.

It did not rain very often when Chuck Norris was a kid.

Why?

Because his favorite childhood song was "Rain Rain Go Away."

Why did the autistic ice cream run away from the party?

She had a meltdown.

You know Mark once said, "Go away, Freddy, or I'll suck your dick!"

Why did Hellen Keller's dog run away?

I'm sure you would run away if your name was kjdhfkuaysbgfbkuejgf.

I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.

It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!

A Jew and a Jew walk into a bar. The goy says, "What do you want?" The first Jew says, "Give it alcohol." The second Jew says, "My son ran away and became Christian." Another Jew pipes in, he says, "My son too!" The bartender turns around and says, "You're not going to believe this..."

I had a friend who got shot in the head.

Guess you could say he was...

Blown Away!

Me: Are you an orphan?

Orphan: Yes, how did you know and what gave me away?

Me: Where's your parents?

Orphan: They died and I have a phone, why?

Me: Because it has a home button.

How do we know Cinderella is a virgin?

Because she runs away from balls.

Why does JD Vance have strained diplomatic relations with Turkey?

He took away their ottoman!

Why should you keep English gay activists away from neo-nazis?

British cigarettes get smoked easily.

There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, they decide they don't like living in an asylum anymore. They decide they're going to escape!

So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. You see... You see, he's afraid of falling.

So then, the first guy has an idea... He says "Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!" B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says "Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!"