Audience Jokes

What is the worst comedy for disabled people?

Stand-up comedy!

Is it still stand-up comedy if the comedian doesn't have legs?

What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke? Timing.

Q: What’s the difference between me and you?

A: I’m not wasting my time reading this joke.

POV you are drunk and telling jokes and no one is listening 😭😭😭

The image is a meme comparing the reactions of three U.S. presidents, Ronald Reagan, John F. Kennedy, and Theodore Roosevelt, to being shot. For Ronald Reagan, the text says he "gets shot once," "cries about it," and "immediately enacts gun control like a scared baby." For John F. Kennedy, it says he "gets shot twice," "eats the first shot for breakfast," and the "second shot blows his brains all over his wife on live TV like a boss." For Theodore Roosevelt, it says he "gets shot once while giving a speech in front of a huge audience," "laughs it off," and "continues to give his speech for the next hour while roasting the would-be assassin."

I was a sit-down comedian, then I tried to stand up. I fell.

I wished I stayed in the wheelchair.

When a cookie 🍪 wins a race, what will the crowd say?

“Chip Chip Hooray!”

Jimmy does stand up comedy. He says, "What do you call an orangutan?"

Jake replies, "YOU!" Then everyone, including the teacher, laughs. Jimmy cries.

LOL

Why don't parents get school shooting jokes? They're aimed at a younger audience.

You know, I got a SKELETON of these jokes. All are HUMERUS. Yeah, this gets under people’s SKIN, but I guess you could call their FUNNY BONE BROKEN! People try and hit me when this happens, luckily, I got THICK SKIN! Yeah, thanks for listening. Hope you got these puns down TO THE BONE!

Trying to make jokes in 2020-2021 be like:

Comedian: "When she went in front of the TV, it took an hour till you could see the screen again."

Audience: "Why you gotta be so offensive?"

Comedian: "I'm not tr-"

Audience: "Oh, so now you're trying to debate?"

Comedian: "I-"

Audience: "Now you're acting racist?!"

This song is sus, because I’m happy. Clap along if you feel like happiness is the root. What are you clapping?

A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "uno, dos..." *poof* ... He disappeared without a tres.

I went to a stand up show with the person who made my life a joke.

Joke start.

Punchline!

What did the suicidal guy say to his audience?

Make this post have 1000 comments

Did you hear about the flood at the circus? Lots of people drowned, and there were two clowns that survived and two nuns still in the audience.

The two clowns ran over to the two nuns, and each one put a nun on his shoulder. Then they waded out of the big top, up to their waists in the rapid, turbulent water. As they were reaching dry land, one clown said to the other, "If you ask me, this is virgin on the ridiculous!"