Audience jokes
When I finished playing my guitar, I noticed an amputee in the crowd not giving me a round of applause.
When you are trying to write a speech about Columbus, don't make a joke that he was on a seafood diet because the audience might think you and Columbus were fat. You know, 'see food, eat everything.'
What's the difference between a joke and the Twin Towers? People don't laugh at my jokes.
Haters are hating. I'm still alluring, but I couldn't give a fuck cus this site is dying and boring.
I should probably stop making emo jokes.
They just don't seem to cut it anymore.
Why don’t rappers play hide and seek?
Because good luck finding someone who’s always in the booth!
What did the mic say to the rapper?
"Don’t DROP me, bro!"
What does a white person say when they're surrounded by black guys? "Hey, who turned the lights out?!"
What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke? Timing.
If Joe Biden was on stage and he heard gunshots, he probably would’ve thought it was the ice cream truck.
They're making a new Alien movie.
There are so many aliens you can't keep track.
Hitler was talking about how to fight in WW2 when someone sneezed while Hitler was giving a speech, so Hitler yelled, "WHO SNEEZED ROW 1? DID ANYONE SNEEZE?" They said no, and Hitler shot everybody. Same for row 2 & 3, but in row 4 someone nervous said, "Me, I'm sorry." Then Hitler said, "Bless you."
If someone made a comedy routine about Terri Schiavo, would that be considered roasting a vegetable?
Why did the rapper climb a ladder during his performance?
He wanted to take his career to the NEXT LEVEL!
Why did the rapper bring a vacuum to the concert?
So the haters could SUCK on him!
Why did the rapper bring a broom on stage?
To sweep the competition!
What did the rapper say when he broke his mic?
"Looks like I dropped the mic... literally!"
Why did the rapper take a shower before the concert?
To WASH AWAY the haters!
Why didn't the movie star argue with the customer service clerk?
He didn't have a good counter act!
Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the concert?
Because he wanted to reach new heights in his performance.