Audience jokes
*walks into a comedy night club* Owner: "You're doing standup tonight, right?" Noob Joker (you): "Yes, I am!" Owner: "Get onto the stage." Me: *walks up stage* Owner: "This is the standup comedian noobpro." Me: "Hey guys, how about some Donald Trump?" Crowd: *RUNS*
When you went to an ugly competition, the judges said, "No professionals allowed."
When you are trying to write a speech about Columbus, don't make a joke that he was on a seafood diet because the audience might think you and Columbus were fat. You know, 'see food, eat everything.'
Why did the rapper bring a shovel to the concert?
Because he was about to BURY the COMPETITION!
Why didn't the movie star argue with the customer service clerk?
He didn't have a good counter act!
Why did the rapper bring a map to the concert?
To NAVIGATE his way through the CROWD.
I should probably stop making emo jokes.
They just don't seem to cut it anymore.
Once I was in South Korea doing stand up comedy... and I started with a "hidden" joke and I said: "I'm so happy to be here in one of the most beautiful Korea's in the world..." which is a good joke but they didn't get it, and they looked at me badly... so I said "I'm here in the South which is more beautiful... South good, North booooooo." But still nothing, they kept glaring at me... then I realized that maybe I was in the wrong Korea.
What's the difference between all the jokes on this page? Nothing, they're all knockoffs of old jokes you've already heard that aren't funny. Penis!
What did a comedian say at a show full of blind people?
"What's up?"
Why did the rapper bring a parachute to the concert?
In case his lyrics made the crowd jump!
Why did the rapper climb a ladder during his performance?
He wanted to take his career to the NEXT LEVEL!
If someone made a comedy routine about Terri Schiavo, would that be considered roasting a vegetable?
Hitler was talking about how to fight in WW2 when someone sneezed while Hitler was giving a speech, so Hitler yelled, "WHO SNEEZED ROW 1? DID ANYONE SNEEZE?" They said no, and Hitler shot everybody. Same for row 2 & 3, but in row 4 someone nervous said, "Me, I'm sorry." Then Hitler said, "Bless you."
Ever heard of rape jokes?
No?
Well, I'll MAKE you hear 'em!
Why did the rapper bring a vacuum to the concert?
So the haters could SUCK on him!
Orphan jokes aren't to be made fun of.
They're just aimed at older audiences. Oh wait.
THEY AREN'T EVEN OLDER AGES.
1) Did you hear the one about the school shooting? Actually, I better not... You wouldn't understand, it's aimed more towards a younger audience.
2) 6 was scared cuz 7 8 9, so why was 10 scared? Because it was in between 9/11.
3) 10 dead babies.
What does a white person say when they're surrounded by black guys? "Hey, who turned the lights out?!"
What do you call someone with a small dick... whoever is reading this 😉