Audience jokes
What do you call someone with a small dick... whoever is reading this 😉
Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.
Q: What’s the difference between me and you?
A: I’m not wasting my time reading this joke.
Once I was in South Korea doing stand up comedy... and I started with a "hidden" joke and I said: "I'm so happy to be here in one of the most beautiful Korea's in the world..." which is a good joke but they didn't get it, and they looked at me badly... so I said "I'm here in the South which is more beautiful... South good, North booooooo." But still nothing, they kept glaring at me... then I realized that maybe I was in the wrong Korea.
People might not laugh at my jokes, or have a reaction at all, but I'd explode with euphoria.
Periodically, people might laugh every now and then.
A magician walks up to a girl and asks her to feel the rabbit in the magician's hat.
The magician asks the girl to rub the rabbit. The girl notices the rabbit sticks up and drools; the hat was covering the hips.
Trying to make jokes in 2020-2021 be like:
Comedian: "When she went in front of the TV, it took an hour till you could see the screen again."
Audience: "Why you gotta be so offensive?"
Comedian: "I'm not tr-"
Audience: "Oh, so now you're trying to debate?"
Comedian: "I-"
Audience: "Now you're acting racist?!"
What's the difference between all the jokes on this page? Nothing, they're all knockoffs of old jokes you've already heard that aren't funny. Penis!
When you went to an ugly competition, the judges said, "No professionals allowed."
I want to make a joke about Kobe, but it won't land well.
I tried to write the shortest joke ever, so I wrote a two-word joke, which was "Dwarf Shortage." It's just so I could pack more jokes into the show.
I would say a 9/11 joke, but it wouldn't land well.
Why did the rapper bring a vacuum to the concert?
So the haters could SUCK on him!
What does a white person say when they're surrounded by black guys? "Hey, who turned the lights out?!"
I would tell a Biden joke except everyone would not stop falling asleep (including him).
I was gonna do a school shooter joke, but it was aimed at younger audiences.
Who goes to a comedian show and gets offended?
A feminist.
The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”
Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”
So the Pope slapped him.
Stephen Hawking tried comedy.
His first line ruined it. "You know what I can't stand? Let me rephrase that, you know what? I can't stand."
I just wanna say thanks to everyone who favorited my jokes and commented! Thanks!