Audience jokes

What's the difference between all the jokes on this page? Nothing, they're all knockoffs of old jokes you've already heard that aren't funny. Penis!

Is it still stand-up comedy if the comedian doesn't have legs?

Trying to make jokes in 2020-2021 be like:

Comedian: "When she went in front of the TV, it took an hour till you could see the screen again."

Audience: "Why you gotta be so offensive?"

Comedian: "I'm not tr-"

Audience: "Oh, so now you're trying to debate?"

Comedian: "I-"

Audience: "Now you're acting racist?!"

Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast!

When you went to an ugly competition, the judges said, "No professionals allowed."

Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.

Hi guys, so today I have not thought of a joke, and I'm not really sure what to do, so I thought I would do kinda a blog sort of thing, so hope you enjoy, and you don't have to read this!

So I woke up this morning and heard this weird noise, and it was my dad building me a new gymnastics bar so I can have uneven bars, which I am so excited about! And I am so glad that you guys have been nice and liking my jokes and stuff, but also, make sure to comment below if you want to tell me what kind of jokes you want and what you want me to do, and also, feel free to talk to me! Love y'all!!!

I tried to write the shortest joke ever, so I wrote a two-word joke, which was "Dwarf Shortage." It's just so I could pack more jokes into the show.

Why don't parents get school shooting jokes? They're aimed at a younger audience.

I want to make a joke about Kobe, but it won't land well.

I would say a 9/11 joke, but it wouldn't land well.

Why was the emo kicked out of the circus?

Because he was cutting in line!

I would tell a Biden joke except everyone would not stop falling asleep (including him).

Q: Why are school shooting jokes funny?

A: Because they're intended for a young audience.

Why did half of the world not see Avengers: Endgame?

Because half of them were Thanos snapped in Avengers: Infinity War.

I was gonna do a school shooter joke, but it was aimed at younger audiences.

I should probably stop making emo jokes.

They just don't seem to cut it anymore.

Hi everyone, today I am taking requests for anything you want me to say.

I told a seal a joke, it went like this: "Why did the kid cross the playground?" He said, "Why?" I said, "To get to the other slide." And then he said, "That's the sealiest thing I've ever heard!"

What does a white person say when they're surrounded by black guys? "Hey, who turned the lights out?!"