If Joe Biden was on stage and he heard the gunshots, he would’ve probably thought it was the ice cream truck
An orphan went on a game show.
The host looked at him and said,”you can’t play this is family feud.”
They're making a new Alien movie.
There are so many Aliens you cant keep track.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Why are theaters popular among cows? -- They enjoy watching moovies.
I tried to right the shortest joke ever, so I wrote a two word joke, which was Dwarf Shortage. its just so I could pack more jokes into the show.
bully : oh look at your shoes, look at your pants, look at your shirt ay ay ay
Me : ding, ding, sing oh did you hear that its the elevator cause your not on my level .......
bully : u_u .......
crwd : Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh
These jokes are EGGxactly why I became a comedian and I know how to BAKEon breakfast
2 jokes in a row babyyyyy
you failed hellen kellers speech class? its okay shes not a very good speaker.
1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field. 2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon. 3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.” 4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop. 5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river. 6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils. 7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope. 8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves. 9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match. 10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee. 11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”). 12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted. 13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff. 14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat. 15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball. 16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing. 17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
When other people tell a joke; 3/3 people laugh. When I tell a joke; 1/3 people laugh, but 2/3 people stare into my soul.
*walks into a comedy night club* Owner: You're doing standup tonight right?* Noob Joker (you): *Yes I am!* Owner: Get onto the stage Me: *walks up stage* Owner: this is the standup comedian noobpro Me: HEY GUYS HOW ABOUT SOME DONALD TRUMP Crowd: *RUNS*
A magician walks up to a girl and asks her to feel the rabbit in the magician's hat. The magician asks the girl to rub the rabbit. The girl notices the rabbit sticks up and drools the hat was covering the hips
What did the rapper say when he broke his mic?
"Looks like I dropped the mic... LITERALLY"
Why did the rapper take a shower before the concert?
To WASH AWAY the haters
when you went to a ugly competition the judges said no professionals aloud
What did the mic say to the rapper?
Don’t DROP me, bro!
Why did the rapper bring a shovel to the concert?
Because he was about to BURY the COMPETITION
Why did the rapper bring a map to the concert? (Part 1) To NAVIGATE his way through the CROWD
Why didn't the movie star argue with the customer service clerk? He didn't have a good counter act
