Attention Jokes

Two Italian men get on a bus.

They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.

The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first.

Den I come.

Den two asses come together.

I come once-a-more.

Two asses, they come together again.

I come again and pee twice.

Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

Are you suicide? Because you are always on my mind.

If I'm ugly, why do you always look at me when I come in the door?

Q: How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Wanna go ride a bike?

What type of camp does a kid with ADHD go to?

Concentration camp.

Help, my ADHD is so bad that not even I can focus in a concentration camp.

- Yo mama is so fat, when she wears a yellow dress, people yell "Taxi!"

- Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.

- Yo mama is so ugly, she made a blind kid cry.

- Yo mama is so old, she knew Burger King when he was still a prince.

- Yo mama is so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention.

I named my daughter Kennedy so when I talked about how her brain was shot out of her head, people just thought I paid really close attention in history.

Dagger. This is to get your attention, for Dagger Jr. and I. We'd like to speak with you, and possibly Lynx, if we can find a time to all talk.

Why did the orphan rob the bank?

He wanted to be wanted.

Why did the orphan try to get hurt?

Because then they would get surrounded with people who care about him.

He looks around, no one is there.

Hey girl, are you a drill sergeant, because you have my privates' attention.

Why did the orphan kill someone? Because it would make him wanted.

I'm treated like God when I'm home, I'm usually ignored until someone wants something.

Three boys are playing on a slide when a genie appeared.

The genie says, "Whatever you shout when you go down the slide, I will grant you a bucket full of."

The first boy goes down the slide shouting, "diamonds!", and he gets a bucket of diamonds.

The second boy goes down the slide and shouts, "gold!", and gets a bucket of gold.

The third boy, who never listens or pays attention, goes down the slide and shouts "weeeeeeee!"

Two terrorists walk into a bar.

The bartender asks what they are talking about. Terrorist 1 says, "We are going to kill 14k people and a donkey."

The Bartender asks, "Why a donkey?"

Then Terrorist 2 says, "See, I told you no one would care about the 14k people."

I have OCD and ADD, so everything has to be perfect... but not for very long.

Why are orphans always famous?

Because they say, "Go big or go home," and orphans only have one option.

ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hey Donut.

Why does a straight guy act gay? Because he wants to feel wanted and wants to be BFFs with the hottest girls.