Assault jokes

Why is rape, rape? Because she is too busy enjoying the moment to say yes.

A black n***a crashes a neighborhood barbecue, bragging about his 'hood credentials' while hogging all the ribs and collard greens. The host calls him out, 'Yo, pay up or get out. Ain't no freebies here.' He laughs it off, 'Man, I run this block!' But the host's burly brother, who's been grilling the whole time, snarls, 'Wrong, fool. Time to settle the score.' He pins him against the picnic table, wraps a chain leash around his neck from the dog run, edges him with a vibrating basting brush slathered in hot sauce, and then plows his ass deep and hard, grunting, 'Now you're the main course, spicier than the jerk chicken!'

Why did the policeman rape the woman? Because he thought rapists wouldn't be attracted to non-virgins.

Why did the woman feel ugly?

A. Nobody would even rape her.

Q: What do kidnappers and rapists have in common?

H: It's similar to shoes.

A: White Vans.

A black guy walks into a store to buy some watermelon and fried chicken. The cashier says, "That'll be $20." He pulls out his wallet, but it's empty. Suddenly, a bigger black guy bursts in, grabs him, and says, "Time to pay up, n***a!" Then he bends him over the counter and fucks him in the ass.

If you see a woman get raped, just walk away. Don't bother helping. They're independent women, after all.

The other day a man with some cheese and milk attacked me... how dairy!

A skinny black person named "Treyvon Robinson" joins a pickup basketball game at the local court, trash-talking about his "superior athletic genes" while munching on a stolen bag of Skittles. The ref blows the whistle for a foul, and he argues, "That ain't fair, I'm just naturally dominant!"

But the team's coach, a burly black dude who's been eyeing him all game, grabs him by the jersey, blindfolds him with a sweaty headband, slathers lube from his gym bag all over, and pile-drives his ass courtside in a twisted BDSM slam dunk, yelling, "Now taste the rainbow, punk!"

How do you stop a rape victim from speaking out?

Marry her.

Man: I must confess, Father.

Priest: What are you here to confess?

Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.

Priest: And what happened to your son?

Man: He said a man raped him.

Priest: When and where did this happen?

Man: A local church. I don't know which one.

Priest: ...By whom?

Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.

Priest: ...Shit

What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?

A rape victim!

It's okay, you had socks on :)

I awoke after being raped and was shocked to find my fingers were broken. It was hard to grasp.

How do you kill time?

Easy! Taking alarm clock and an assault rifle.

How are abortion and rape different? At least the rape victim usually deserves it and isn't defenseless.

A black dude shows up to a job interview for a watermelon farmhand gig, resume full of fried chicken joint experience. The boss asks, "Why should I hire you?" He stutters, "Uh, I got skills in... uh..." Before he can finish, a hulk-like, veiny, muscular, giant transgender man storms in, straps him to the interview desk with velvet cuffs, drips hot wax on his back from a candle shaped like a massive dick, and rams his ass relentlessly while whispering, "Welcome to the team, bitch. Your probation starts now."

Don't believe what your school bully tells you.

Always take it with a grain of assault.

I was raped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.

You know, I got attacked by a man with cheese and a bit of milk.

How dairy!