Assault Jokes

A drunk walks out of a bar late at night and sees a nun walking past on the footpath. He utters something hateful to himself as he begins running, building momentum before launching himself at the nun, catching her with a massive superman punch to the back of the head, knocking her tumbling brutally to the pavement.

He proceeded with a swift kicking to the nun's ribs and spine before grabbing the nun by the scruff of her habit and lifting her limp to her feet till face to face. Looking the nun dead in her eyes with menace, the drunk victoriously growled, "You're not so bloody tough tonight, are ya, Batman?"

A woman ran into a police station screaming, "Help, I have been graped!" The policeman said, "Do you mean raped?" The woman said, "No, there was a bunch of them!"

The Virgin Mary wasn't a virgin; she was a prostitute. God raped her.

Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was assaulted.

What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer?

You can’t pull on her hair when you’re raping.

Why do I carry pepper spray?

Just in case of as-SAULT.

What did the rape victim give to her rapist?

Head.

If I was a raped victim, would silence be the best medicine?

It's not rape if you say "April Fools!"

Okay, when I leave for ONE DAY something happens like people being sexist and men saying that women are weak (Which is Not True), AND rape. I hate hearing and really saying the word. Just stop with all this nonsense. I say rape and sexist and woman assault jokes should not be allowed. They are too cruel and mean to women. Most men are weaker than women. So don't anyone make anymore things or "jokes" about rape. Women are strong and don't be mean to them.

Sincerely, watersharky (How did I not misspell????)

Why did the woman get raped in the ass?

She assed for it.

My friend, Jackson Huge-T, got raped by Huge-D's.

Rapist: Rape doesn't hurt anybody.

Victim: (Implied response indicating the rapist is wrong)

A man assaulted me with milk, cheese, and butter.

How dairy!

Joe Biden would’ve died in the Secret Service tackle. They would have been like, "Get down Mr. Presi-"

Your mum is so ugly, she tried to join an ugly competition. They said, "Sorry, no professionals."

What flavor ice cream do rape victims enjoy?

Cock flavor.

I raped your mom. I flipped her upside down and called the position "wow."

Roses are red, violets are blue, Bill Cosby will pudding rape you.

I saw a guy beat his girlfriend to a pulp after his girlfriend threw a phone in his face. I offered to call an ambulance, but he said he was fine.