Assault jokes

What do Rihanna and a DJ have in common?

They know how to get a beat down.

What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.

I'm a rapist.

What's the difference between sex and rape? Some effective drugs.

There was an illegal alien woman who wanted to be called "undocumented." So, I had "undocumented" sex with her and threatened to have her deported if she reported me for rape. I'd call it even.

Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to.

Unless you are in prison.

Why did the rapist go after the mute? It would be a silent attack.

A black guy walks into a store to buy some watermelon and fried chicken. The cashier says, "That'll be $20." He pulls out his wallet, but it's empty. Suddenly, a bigger black guy bursts in, grabs him, and says, "Time to pay up, n***a!" Then he bends him over the counter and fucks him in the ass.

Those rape alarms give you a headache, don't they?

You know what I hate about rape?

Keeping it a secret.

what do you call a rape victim in Ukraine?

Debris.

I didn't know I raped her. I thought she wanted me to hurry up.

If a midget says your hair smells nice, is that sexual assault?

What did the woman do when the armed police officer raped her?

Freeze.

When is rape normal?

When it's called an unplanned pregnancy.

A skinny black person named "Treyvon Robinson" joins a pickup basketball game at the local court, trash-talking about his "superior athletic genes" while munching on a stolen bag of Skittles. The ref blows the whistle for a foul, and he argues, "That ain't fair, I'm just naturally dominant!"

But the team's coach, a burly black dude who's been eyeing him all game, grabs him by the jersey, blindfolds him with a sweaty headband, slathers lube from his gym bag all over, and pile-drives his ass courtside in a twisted BDSM slam dunk, yelling, "Now taste the rainbow, punk!"

What did the female rapist say at her hearing?

"Well that boy's dick was inside me and you know what you metoo people say, 'my body my choice.'"

They can't say no if they're unconscious.

A white woman was caught on video using racial slurs and assaulting two black students. She was charged with "interpreting" a black police officer.

I chucked a lamp and a depressed kid, hoping it would brighten up his day.