Asked Jokes

Some guy interviewed me and asked how it felt to kill thousands of people. I replied, “I don’t know. I’ve only killed communists.”

Do you know why boys can't ask girls out? Because they don't have any balls to ask girls out!

NASA stands for "Nobody asks scientists anymore."

My friend playing truth or dare asked me: "Dare".

My friends: "I dare you to go home."

Your mom is so fat, when she asked, "What gift will I get?" Abuela from Encanto said, "Definitely Taco Bell!" 🌮🔔

When an emo asks you to hang out under a tree...

Why did the cop ask the orphan if he was home alone?

The orphan said because my parents have never come back yet because I have none.

I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, and they got excited and asked if I could drive a B-52.

Orphan: Can I go outside?

Coworker at orphanage: Go ask your mom.

Orphan: WAWAWAWAWAW

I saw an orphan on the road. I asked him if he's an orphan. The kid says, "Yeah, what gave it away?"

I say, "Your parents."

A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.

I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.

Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:

"What advice do you have for people out there?"

As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.

My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me.

"She obviously has COVID," my wife said.

"Why?" I asked.

My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste!"

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, “Mommy, can little girls have babies?”

“No,” said his mom, “Of course not.”

Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, “It’s okay! We can play that game!”

She asked:

"How can you explain a yellow color to a blind man?"

One day, a man visited an orphanage.

Then he sees a kid crying. The man asked, "Where are your parents?"

The kid cries even harder.

Yo mamma so fat, she asked for a water bed, and they put a blanket over the Atlantic Ocean.

Why can't orphans fail a test?

Because the teacher is gonna ask their parents to sign it.

My son asked for a swimming pool so I got him a ant 🐜🐜🐜 pool.

One day this kid says to his dad, "Dad, they bully me at school."

His dad asks why, and the kid says, "They bully me because I got no hands."

Then his dad says, "Who would do such a thing like that? I want to know who they are. Point at them!"