Asked jokes

There was a boy in the gym who was in his late teens. He was sitting at the dumbbells tables, but he wasn't lifting. He instead, sat up and was ripping something up.

The manager then walked over to him and asked, "You're hogging the dumbbells, dude! What are you even doing?" The boy hesitated, then said, "Getting ripped, wanna join me?" as he held up stacks of blank paper. The man silently sat on the table with him and grabbed some papers. "Why not?" he finally said.

A man asks God, "Hello God, why did you make my wife so dumb?"

God replies, "So she would love you..."

Organise my brother's bucks party and got confused when he asked for a hot 22 year old for I brought him 20 two yr Olds....

Good thing my brother's a little bit different.

I asked my sister to say something.

She said, "No."

That's what I like to hear.

When an American goes on a scale, the other person will say, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"

I went to school on a Saturday. My teacher asked why I am here, so I replied that my brother told me to go to hell.

When you ask for plastic surgery, they said, "We could not fix you, but the only way is to wear a mask to fix your ugly face."

Your mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale the doctor asked for her weight, not her phone number.

I asked a European what do you call Karens in your country? He said, "American women."

I was asked to design a website for an orphanage, so I decided to design it without the home page.

Yo mama's so poor that when I was walking down the street, I saw her kicking the trash can, and I asked, "What are you doing?" She said, "I'm moving!"

I saw a kid crying, sitting on the sidewalk, and I asked him where his parents were. He then cried even more. God, I love working at the orphanage.

Yo mama so fat when someone asked her to touch her chin, she asked, "Which one?"

I thought a waitress said to me, "You're good looking." In fact, she was asking if I'd like some pudding.

Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:

"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."

A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus.

"Don't you mean a martini?" asks the bartender.

The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for one!"

Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.

As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”

George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”

Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?”

My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."

I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7's and 8's.

At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”

I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”