Asked jokes

They asked to tell them a joke, so I said no.

My math teacher walked by and asked me, "What is that?"

I said, "Paper."

She said, "Really?"

I said, "Yeah, do you need glasses?"

A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage. He replied, "Yes, I'm very happy. We go on date night every week." The other man asked, "When?" He goes on Wednesday and I go on Thursday.

The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live. The doctor replied, "Tu-more."

A week before Christmas my wife left me. She said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore.

On Christmas Eve, Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "All I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world."

On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.

A teacher is teaching a class algebra. Timmy, you've worked out it is AK, but what is 59 minus 12? Timmy shakes his head, not knowing. The teacher asks, "How about AK 49 minus 2?" Timmy replies with um... The teacher becomes frustrated and yells, "What comes after AK, Timmy!?" The white kid at the back stands, shouts 47, and pulls the trigger.

A Roman walks into a bar and orders a martinus. The bartender says, "Don't you mean a Martini?" The Roman then says, "Look, if I want a double, I'll ask for one."

I saw a kid crying, so I asked them where their parents were.

God, I love working at an orphanage!

Spock went to the Enterprise's toilet and he knocked on it. "Kirk, are you in there?" Spock asked.

Kirk answered, "Hold on, I am making a captain's log."

I was the manager at a McDonald’s in Turin when I saw Penaldo walk in and submit a job application. I asked him to show me his skills and experience, but he just started diving and asking for pens and tap-ins. I was confused until Penaldo told me that’s all he knows how to do.

My friend asked me once, "Is there any religion in the world that preaches a god who masturbates in a closed room?"

"Islam it is."

"Dad, what is 69?" asks son.

Dad: "Well son, it is a position where a man and women pleasure each other orally."

Son: "So what shall I write? Odd or even?"

I walked into an orphanage and asked a kid why they were crying.

They said: "Because I lost my parents."

I said: "Let's find them."

They cried harder, so I walked out of the orphanage.

A man once ate the left side of a person. One guy watching asked if the guy he was eating was okay. The man eating him said, "No... it's okay, he's all right now."

I saw a kid crying yesterday, and I asked him, "Where are your parents?" Then he started crying harder.

A girl walks in the room. She asks her mom, "Why's my name Flower?" Her mom said, "When you were born, a flower fell on your head." Brick walks in the room. Jasvidnqzkdvsosbd.

Yesterday I asked my friend, "What is a fish without eyes?"

They replied, "I don’t know."

I said, "Fsh."

Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?

Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they all said, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"

A woman prayed to be a mother everyday for many years until she crossed a road without looking and got hit by a woman driver and died.

When she met God, she asked Him, "How come you didn't answer my prayers?"

God replied, "I did. I kept sending men to rape you, but you kept on choosing to destroy my creations by having an abortion."

Me: Do you take milk before cereal, or cereal before milk?

The adult person I asked: Cereal?

Me: I take the bowl first! What do you do? Do you just pour everything on the table and then eat it?

The person: Yes.

Me: WHAT?!!!??!!