My sister told me she liked Medusa.
I said, "Huh?"
My sister said my blow jobs are so good she looks up at the guy's facial expression, and when they look down, they do nothing but stay still.
Ya make 10 paintings, you aren't an artist.
Ya make 20 meals, you aren't a chef.
But when I kill ONE PERSON, I'm a "horrible person" and a "menace to society."
What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
The picture gets hung with one nail, not two.
The skeleton cancelled the gallery showing of his skull-ptures because his heart just wasn’t in it.
"Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind—it's tearable."
What do you call an artist with a brown finger?
Picasshole.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
I'm bone dry in material, but I have a skeleTON of skeleton jokes. After I tell you all these rib ticklers, you will have a bone to pick with if you didn't find that funny, you outta rip my spine out.
Why did the man die of the actor's performance?
The performance was unbeLIVEable!
What do you call a rapper who's also a magician?
MC Presto.
Why was the emo mad?
The picture got hung, not her.
Ever heard of the band "Nothing but Thieves"?
Yeah, it's called RobberBand.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Never mind, it's tearable.
What is Beethoven's favorite fruit?
A Ba-na-na-na! (To the tune of Beethoven's 5th symphony)
A father and a son were painting pictures together. The son and father were drawing the exact same thing to a T, and the son said, "What happened to your hand?" looking at the scar tissue near the father's knuckle. The father replied with, "You know what happened, you were there." The son continues to deny this until they both finish their paintings. They're exactly the same.
The father passes out for a few hours and wakes up to find that there's only one painting.
Whenever my artist girlfriend is sad, I let her draw things on my body.
I gave her a shoulder to crayon.
God's consciousness: Art.
God's unconsciousness: Christianity.
Want to hear a paper joke?
Never mind, it’s too terrible.
“Did you show him the pictures of our cats?”
“Yes.”
“Did you hang ‘em?”
Who is Barry B. Benson’s favorite classical composer?
Bee-thoven.
