Arrest

Arrest jokes

Police Officer

    • I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy, then I was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.

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    • Penalty

    • I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say, “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty.”

    That’s when Penaldo asked, “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.

    Shame on you Penaldo!

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    • Difference

    • What’s the difference between a prostitute and a homeless shelter?

    You can shit a load inside of a prostitute, but if you try it in a shelter, you get arrested.

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    • Rape

    • A 28 year old woman, Olga, in Meshchovsk, Russia took justice into her own hands when a 32 year old male robber, Viktor, decided to rob her salon. She tied him, feeding him only Viagra, having sex with him over and over. After a few days, she released him after he stated he learned his lesson and wouldn't go to the police. He lied and went to the police anyways. Both were arrested.

    After his sentence was over, Viktor sat down to speak to the local news. The reporter asked Viktor, "How was this whole ordeal?" Viktor replied, "I've had better."

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    • Arrest memes

    Boss

    • My boss said she would've loved to meet Bill Cosby as a child. I don't get why I'm getting arrested. I was just making sure his dream came true.

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    • Office

    • A man was walking down the street with a swivel chair under one arm, a computer under the other, and a desk strapped to his back.

    A policeman ran over to him and handcuffed him, saying, "I'm arresting you for impersonating an office, sir!"

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    • Cop

    • So, there was this cop on the top bunk of a bunk bed.

    Another cop walks in and sits on the bottom bunk and the cop on the top bunk bed said, "You're under a-rest."

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    • History class

    • In History class, the teacher taught a lesson about serial killer Albert Fish. Back in the early 20th century, Fish reportedly kidnapped, ate, and raped over 100 kids. He mainly chose victims who were either retarded or black. Further on the lesson, the teacher explained how in those days, black people were socially not equal with white people, and how people with mental illness were not accepted and treated properly due to a lack of knowledge of mental health.

    One of the students raised their hand and said, “You ought to be arrested.” The teacher confusedly asked, “Why?” The student explained, “Because you’re thinking like Albert Fish.”

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    • Case

    • Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for stealing luggage? Unfortunately, he lost his case.

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    • Kidney

    • When you donate a kidney, you are a total hero, everyone loves you.

    When you donate five kidneys though, people start yelling, the police gets called--sheesh!

    Police

    • I recently got pulled over by the cops and started spazzing out because of the police lights.

    He arrested me for impersonating George Floyd.

    *I have seizures*

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