Arms jokes
What has four legs and one arm?
A Rottweiler in a children’s playground.
Once i was walking along the beach and there was a girl with no arms or legs there, i walked by and she said excuse me, will you touch me ive never been touched before, i was like okay so i touched her, i kept on walking along and there was the same girl, she said sir will you kiss me, i went alright so i went up and kissed her, i thought that was weird but anyway i kept walking along and there she was again, she said sir will you fuck me? I went okay so i picked her up and threw her in the ocean and went YOUR FUCKED NOW
Why don't wheelchairs have pedals, so when their arms get tired, they can keep going with their feet?
What's the difference between a grape, an apple, and an arm? You don't slice a grape.
How did the man with no arms commit suicide?
We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.
I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.
When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"
I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."
On the lines of "I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous,"
I'm dying to live forever!
Most people think an octopus has 8 legs.
Actually, they have 6 legs and 2 arms. How can you tell which are the arms?
Hit it on the head. The two that go up to the head when he says "Owwww" are his arms.
Friend: “What's that on your arm?”
Me: “Oh, nothing. Just decided I wanted to cosplay a tiger.”
What does a computer scientist do when someone tries to fight him?
He waves his arms like a space invader.
Butcher knives are great tools for cutting many things!
Fruit, vegetables, my arms.
"What happened to your arm?" "Oh, uh... I became a gacha emo."
Someone lunged at me, armed with an unregistered nurse. I hit the floor.
Person: I broke my arm in three places.
Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.
What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer.
What do you call a person with only one arm?
Half-assed.
Them: What's on your arm?
Me: I'm training to breathe fire ;)
What has hands but can’t clap?
A thalidomide baby.
Why did the man with no arms fall off his bike? Someone threw a washing machine at him.
My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."