Arms jokes

Why download Fruit Ninja when you have your arm?

My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."

I asked my kid to give me a hand. That motherfucker cried while charging his mechanical arm.

The plane said to the tower, "You're so cute, I want to come crashing into your arms!"

What’s the difference between a normal kid and an Emo?

When you feel an Emo's arm, there’s lots of texture! Feels great, too!

You just shot an unarmed man.

Well, he should have armed himself then.

What do you call a kid with no arms or legs?

Don't matter what you call him, he ain't coming.

What's got 9 arms and sucks?

Def Leppard.

A sister told her brother to walk to the store, buy some candy, and watch a movie with her while eating the candy.

But he couldn't walk because he has no legs. He couldn't buy candy because he has no arms. He couldn't watch a movie because he was blind, and he couldn't eat because he has no stomach. Who said he was real?

A father awaits the birth of his first child.

The obstetrician says, "Unfortunately, he has no arms."

The father says, "I'll love it all the same."

But the obstetrician adds, "It is also without legs, trunk, head."

The father says, "I'll love it all the same."

Then the obstetrician confessed to him, "I'm sorry, but only this ear was born."

The father says, "I'll love it all the same."

And the obstetrician says, "Talk to him closer: he's deaf!"

What has 2 legs, 2 arms, and an abusive father?

Aaron.

Bros got barcode arms.

I still remember the third of December, me in your sweater. You said it looked better on me than it did you. Only if you knew how much I liked you. But I watch your eyes as she walks by. What a sight for sore eyes, Brighter than the blue sky. She's got you mesmerized while I die. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. Wish I were Heather. Watch as she stands with her, holding your hand. Put your arm 'round her shoulder, now I'm getting colder. But how could I hate her, she's such an angel. But then again, kinda wish she were dead as she walks by. What a sight for sore eyes. Brighter than the blue sky. She's got you mesmerized while I die. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. I wish I were Heather. Oh, I wish I were Heather. Oh, oh, wish I were Heather. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. Wish I were-

A woman wakes up in a hospital after an accident and yells, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"

And the doctor says, "I know, I amputated your arms."

What has 2 arms, 2 legs, 2 eyes, 2 breasts for milking, and a hole to fill with my 9 inches?

A sexy female.

Why did the little boy fall off the swing? Because he had no arms or legs.

What did the little boy get for Christmas? Cancer.

Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.

Knock knock.....Who’s there... Not the little boy.

Sally has no arms. She fell off the swing. Why? Someone threw a fridge at her. AAHAHAAAHHAHAH!

Why couldn't Bob hang himself?

Because he had no arms to tie a knot. :'-)

What did the girl with no arms get for Christmas?

We dunno, she ain't opened it yet.

What has two arms and two legs but can’t walk or run?

Stephen Hawking.