Arms jokes

Knock, knock. Who's there? An armless person. Why? They got stumped on why they contacted you.

What do you call a man with no arms or legs being pulled by a boat?

Skip.

Why was Huggy Wuggy not able to hug Cody’s mom?

Because she was so fat he couldn’t fit his arms around her.

Why did the one-armed man cross the road?

To get to the second-hand shop.

"Hi, Mrs. Jackson, can Matt come out and play?"

"Oh, Johnny, you know Matt doesn't have any arms or legs."

"I know, we just wanted to use him as third base."

What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas?

I don't know, he still hasn't opened it yet.

Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"

Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."

Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."

Dad: "Exactly, son."

I asked my kid to give me a hand. That motherfucker cried while charging his mechanical arm.

Why did Shelley fall off the swing? She had no arms.

A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"

The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"

Why couldn't the farmer tend to the crops?

Because he's got no arms.

I wanted to play Fruit Ninja, but remembered I don’t have a phone. Guess I gotta draw fruit on my arm!

Son: Mom, what's dark humor?

Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.

Son: Mom, I'm blind.

Mom: Exactly.

A man wakes up in the hospital and says, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"

"Of course," the doctor says. "I amputated your arms."

What songs do people with no arms listen to?

None, 'cause they can’t press play.

How did Helen Keller lose her arm? She tried to read the stop sign at 100 MPH.

What is better than winning the gold medal at the Special Olympics? Having arms and legs.

One time, there was a happy little girl. One day, her teacher asked how many legs and arms a pineapple have. She said,

"You know those pokey things on it? That's how many."

Teacher says, "That's dumb. They have zero." Then the next day, the girl set a fire in her house, and she burned her legs and arms. Then she survived and went to school. Then the teacher said, "I heard your house went on fire, and by the way, you know you don't have no arms or legs, right?" The girl said, "OK." Then the teacher asked the question the teacher asked yesterday again. She said, "What do you call a girl with no legs or arms?" The teacher said, "Answer my question!" The girl said, "OK, OK, the girl said 13." The teacher said, "Pineapples do not even have legs!"

Then the teacher had to calm down. Then the teacher said to the girl, "Ask a question. Whatever you want." Then the girl said, "Ok, and I'm sorry, teacher." Teacher said, "It's ok, I need a break." The girl said, "What do you call a girl without legs or arms?" Someone from the class, her name was Nia, she said, "A worm." She said, "NO!!!" The teacher said, "Calm down. Just tell us what!" The girl said, "OK then." The girl said it.......

And y'all who is reading my story, guess what the answer is before I tell you and by the way the girl's name is Sunny. Back to story.........she said the answer is A PINEAPPLE! Then when the teacher was calm, she told her to sit down. Then the teacher read a story, "The Three Little Pigs." Then the girl went home, she got a new house, then lived happily ever after.

What do you say to a girl with no arms and no legs? Nice boobs!

What has 2 legs, 2 arms, and an abusive father?

Aaron.