Arms jokes
A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. The bartender asks what he wants. The man says, "I would like one beer for me and one for the road."
What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red?
My ex-wife.
Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms.
What did Sarah get for Christmas? I dunno, she hasn't opened it yet.
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Not Sarah.
A FedEx plane was carrying 375 fridges across Africa, but the cargo door wasn't shut properly, and only 218 reached the desired destination. The rest landed in a remote village. How many fell out the plane?
Time's up! You took too long; you only had 4 seconds to answer it.
How do you put an elephant into the fridge that pushed out the cargo door?
Open the fridge, put the elephant in, and close the door.
How do you put a giraffe into the fridge?
Open the fridge, take out the elephant. Then put in the giraffe and close the door.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she got hit by the other 156 refrigerators.
How did she survive?
Her idiot mother tried to pull her out and accidentally ripped both her arms off, but she was rescued 8 minutes later.
What is the difference between a human and a human being in a wheelchair?
How did Sally die?
She got shot.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.
Why did Joe get hit by a bus? Sally was driving it.
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!
I scanned an emo girl's arm the other day. Now I own her, only 3.99 with tax. That's a steal and a half, woopeeee!
A man lost his left arm.
He's all right now.
There was an enemy with a machine gun.
My commander said, "Un-arm the enemy."
So I ran over to the enemy and chopped his arms off.
Why did Ross fall off the swing?
Because he had no arms.
TRUE STORY!
X-Ray Tech: I broke my arm and went to the hospital. The X-Ray Tech was the hottest blonde I've ever seen.
I threw her ass down on the X-Ray table, ripped her clothes off, ripped off mine and I jumped on top of her!
Then I put the X-ray machine on top of us, turned it on and I looked up on the X-ray monitor and I watched and saw my sperm swimming up inside her!
Why did the kid fall off the swing? He had no arms.
What is the difference between a human and a human rights act and a walk home and walk walk home from home and walk walk home and a wheelchair to wheelchair and wheelchair to wheelchair for wheelchair home night time to a home was fun at home night was the day I had dinner is it fun for me I was going to be a walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home night time?
Why was Huggy Wuggy not able to hug Cody’s mom?
Because she was so fat he couldn’t fit his arms around her.
What did one arm say to the other? "What is your address?"
Why couldn't the girl with no arms hug her parents?
Because she had none of the above.
A man awakes in a hospital and is confused. He decides to feel his legs, but to no avail.
"Doctor, doctor!" He cries out.
"What is it?" The doctor asks.
"I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor stands there for a moment - completely dumbfounded.
". . . That's because I amputated your arms."
What was the guy with no arms, legs, or a head name?
Matt.
What do you call a man with no arms or legs being pulled by a boat?
Skip.