Arms jokes
We have a new member of staff here today. He has no arms, no legs, and no body. He will be known as "The Head."
What weighs 5 oz. and is very dangerous?
A sparrow with a machine gun, of course!
Why did Stephanie fall off the swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Not Stephanie!
My arms are just a different texture pack compared to my body.
What do you call a person with only one arm?
Half-assed.
Hey, what are those things on your arms? They look like cuts. Wait, what? No, it's just marker. Nothing else...
Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"
Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."
Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."
Dad: "Exactly, son."
Why couldn't the teacher let her kids out?
Because she has no arms to open the door.
How did the octopus go to the war?
Well armed.
Armless guy: Even though I don’t have arms, I can do anything you normal people can do.
Me: 🎵If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands! 🎶
Them: What's on your arm?
Me: I'm training to breathe fire ;)
An African man visits his friend in the US.
“I just flew in yesterday,” the African man says. “And boy are my arms tired!”
“You know, that’s kind of an old joke here in America,” replied his friend.
“Joke?” the African man said. “I’ve been holding my hands in the air yelling ‘don’t shoot’ ever since I got to this damn country!”
A man with no arms is tasked with a lot of jobs. Then he says to his boss, "I can't handle all of this!"
Friend: You know how I like my women like my coffee... hot.
Me: What if you don't like coffee? :(
I can hear thunder outside, which I find weird since the lightning is on my arm...
Why did the man with no arms fall off his bike? Someone threw a washing machine at him.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.
Why can't Sally swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock knock, "Who's there?", not Sally.
Where did Sally go when the bombs dropped?
Everywhere.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Not Sally.
Did you hear about the story of the husband who told his wife she’d look sexier with her hair back?
Apparently, that’s not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.
A young man cracked a joke about dementia to his friend on the bus. The old man sitting next to him politely asked, “Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?”
He replied, “Yes, I cancer.” Then he cracked tumor.
EMINEM: His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.
WebMD: Cancer.