Arms jokes
The man had no arms and a little girl came over and said, "Give me a high-five."
He said, "I’ve got no arms," and the girl said, "Are you an eel? Cause he don’t have arms."
Is a disabled person who has no arms but has guns armed or not armed?
Why did the little girl fall off the swing? She was born without arms.
What do you say to a feminist with no arms and no legs?
"Nice tits, bitch."
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Not Sally.
My girlfriend went to the doctor for a broken arm, and they told her it should be better in about two months. I asked her what they said. She said, "It should be better in about two months." I then asked her, "What did the dentist say?"
A burglar breaks into the home of a weapons engineer. He wants to steal some of his weapons from his strictly secured chamber. When he breaks in through the window to go into his weapons cellar, he realizes that the inventor is at home and heard him from upstairs.
The burglar shouts, "Hands up, there is no escape!" The engineer shouts, "What do you want from me?" The thief answers impatiently, "Well, what do you think? I know what you're hiding here. Get me entry to your armory, right away!" "Never in my life will I do that!" The burglar pulls out his pistol, "Either you let me in, or you go for it!"
"Well, I'll give up, I'll give you my guns. Please don't shoot me." The burglar grins gleefully, "Thank you." "I even have a gun here that I've been working on lately. You can have it." The burglar then thinks and grunts, "Okay, before you open up, you'll show me this first!"
The inventor says, "It's shooting plasma. You can test it on one of my practice goals that I've made while I'm unlocking," and points to a side room where various dummies with targets are set up. The burglar walks into the room with the targets, focuses on the red dot in the middle of the disc, and pushes off. But the gun does not fire plasma or at the target. Instead, the gun fires a bullet at the burglar. This causes him to bleed to the ground.
The engineer behind him began to laugh, "Hahaha! I knew you were falling for it! This is not a plasma gun at all; this is my latest invention, especially for burglars like you: the backward-shooting pistol."
Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg?
He's all right.
What do autistic retards and birds have in common?
They both flap their arms, lol.
What has four legs and one arm?
A Rottweiler in a children’s playground.
What do you say to a woman in a wheelchair with no arms or legs?
"Nice tits."
I was literally cradlesnatched as a child.
Yeah, in the arms of an older woman experiencing my first rounds of motorboating.
One time a blind person grabbed my arm thinking it was something else.
"Oh wow, this is such an interesting book!"
Person with no arms: Even though I have no arms, I can do anything you guys can.
Me: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏 If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏
Person with no arms: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Why download Fruit Ninja when you have your arm?
What is better than winning the gold medal at the Special Olympics? Having arms and legs.
Them: What's on your arm?
Me: I'm training to breathe fire ;)
An African man visits his friend in the US.
“I just flew in yesterday,” the African man says. “And boy are my arms tired!”
“You know, that’s kind of an old joke here in America,” replied his friend.
“Joke?” the African man said. “I’ve been holding my hands in the air yelling ‘don’t shoot’ ever since I got to this damn country!”
Bob has no arms.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
"It's not Bob."
A little boy decided to burn a house down. The father put his arm around his wife, tears in his eyes, saying, "That's arson."