Arms

Arms jokes

Rape

A man is being sued for raping a deaf girl. The judge, showing his pinky:

"You should be ashamed, man, your conscience is even smaller than that!"

The girl, showing her arm:

"Mhhhmmhmm, mhhmhm!"

Bike

Why did the man with no arms fall off his bike? Someone threw a washing machine at him.

Job

A man with no arms is tasked with a lot of jobs. Then he says to his boss, "I can't handle all of this!"

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  • Fruit Ninja

    I wanted to play Fruit Ninja, but remembered I don’t have a phone. Guess I gotta draw fruit on my arm!

    Kid

    What do you call a blind kid with an eye patch and no arms?

    Names.

    Insult

    You look like a double dipped chocolate chip cliff flipped glazed charcoal slim jim Mr. clog hunch frap, no feet, 9 arms, 17 stomachs. You stepdad beat you with a wiffle ball bat. NBA Youngboy was in your bathroom spitting on you and now you got herpes on your left side cheek.

    Swing

    Why did Sally fall off the swing? "Why?" 'Cause she had no arms.

    Why did Sally drop a broom? "Why?" 'Cause she had no arms.

    Why did Sally go swimming? She didn't like not having arms.

    Knock knock. "Who's there?" Not Sally, she hasn't come back yet.

    Place

    I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!

    Farmer

    A farmer walks into his bedroom with his wife in bed with a sheep under his arm and says, "This is the pig I'm fucking." She says, "You idiot, that's a sheep!" He says, "Shut up, I wasn't talking to you."

    Sheep

    A man walks into his bedroom where his wife is carrying a sheep under her arm and says, "This is the pig I've been fucking."

    Wife says, "That's not a pig; that's a sheep, dumbass."

    Husband says, "I was talking to the sheep."

    Country

    I'd love to move to a country ruled by Scott Stapp of Creed. Not only is it a place with golden streets, but it also welcomes people of all kinds with arms wide open.

    Girl

    A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"

    The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"

    Head

    We have a new member of staff here today. He has no arms, no legs, and no body. He will be known as "The Head."

    Woman

    What has 2 arms but no legs?

    A crippled woman with no more meaning in her life.

    Hand

    Person with no arms: Even though I have no arms, I can do anything you guys can.

    Me: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. πŸ‘πŸ‘ If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. πŸ‘πŸ‘

    Person with no arms: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

    Day

    One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.

    Cat

    "Hey Kels, what's on your arm?"

    "Oh, that was the cat."

    "We don't have a cat..."

    "Oh..."