Arms Jokes

whats the difference between my arm and my stomach???? my stomach isnt ripped

When me and my friend went to the market, my friend tried to scan my arm and I asked her what she was doing and she answered "Oh I had to buy you so I don't steal you"

On the lines of "I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous",

I'm dying to live forever !

Why don't they put petals on wheelchairs so when are arms get tired we just use our legs?

A man is consoling his nine year old daughter after she had been sexually assaulted,

"You need to be more careful" he said as he wrapped his arm around her, "this time it was me, next time it could be a total stranger."

so there was this girl on the street that had no arms or legs that said hey sir i've never been fucked before will you do the honors and fuck me, so I threw her in the ocean and said well your fucked now.

My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me. The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment. With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.

a sister told her brother to walk to the store buy some candy watch movie with her while eating the candy (but he couldn't walk because he has no legs he couldn't buy candy because he has no arms he couldn't watch a movie because he was blind and he couldn't eat because he has no stomach who said he was real?)

Father awaits the birth of his first child. The obstetrician: "Unfortunately he has no arms". "I'll love it all the same". But the obstetrician adds: "It is also without legs, trunk, head". "I'll love it all the same". Then the obstetrician confessed to him: "I'm sorry, but only this ear was born". "I'll love it all the same". And the obstetrician: "Talk to him closer: he's deaf!".

Person: I broke my arm in three places

Doctor: well don’t go to those three places then.

i met a girl that was 6-5 and she fell on 9/11 and broke her arm, she really said ohh snap like a twin tower

Friend: UR LIT BRO!!

Me: Thats what my sleeve said to my arm

why are there so many scars and cuts on your arm?

Because its a battlefield

Someone said to stop hurting myself but I'm still trying to cut me arms off

A limbless criminal has just been identified. Police says the suspect is armed and on the run.

Im worth something, I got a barcode on my arm!

A man walks into a bar with a slab of concrete under his arm and says "A beer please! and one for the road!"

A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says "Okay I'd like you to point to wherever it hurts". So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says "Here. Ow." She then pokes her arm and says "Here. Ow." She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop. The doctor say "I know what's happened to you." "What's happened to me??" The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, "You have a broken finger."

I helped my son (who is missing his arms) unwrap his christmas present ungrateful bastard just sits there and cries, and it's a pair of mittens. the ungrateful bastard is just sitting there, crying.