Arms jokes

I met a girl that was 6'5" and she fell on 9/11 and broke her arm. She really said "oh snap" like a twin tower.

A man was walking down the street with a swivel chair under one arm, a computer under the other, and a desk strapped to his back.

A policeman ran over to him and handcuffed him, saying, "I'm arresting you for impersonating an office, sir!"

What did Sally do when she got home?

Cry because she has no arms.

Waitress: You wanna box for your leftovers?

Me: No, but I'll arm wrestle you for the bill.

Yo mama was so fat, Huggy Wuggy couldn't fit his arms around her!

What has four legs and one arm?

A rottweiler at a park.

"Hi, Mrs. Jackson, can Matt come out and play?"

"Oh, Johnny, you know Matt doesn't have any arms or legs."

"I know, we just wanted to use him as third base."

What does a man with no arms or legs do on Halloween?

Nothing.

Today, there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So, he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there.

When he was done, he realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So, he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it, my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because she had no arms.

Knock, knock.

Not Sally.

Them: What's on your arm?

Me: I'm training to breathe fire ;)

What can’t a person with no arms do: if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.

What do emos and guys with a durag have in common? They both have waves, just one is on their arm.

I went to an emo kid who just got a haircut, and instead of saying, "Like your cut, G," I slapped his arm and said, "I like your cuts, G."

What has hands but can’t clap?

A thalidomide baby.

Knock, knock. Who's there? An armless person. Why? They got stumped on why they contacted you.

A man went to the doctor, and the doctor said, "What happened to you?"

The man replied and said, "I broke my arm in two places!"

Then the doctor replied with, "DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!"

What do you call someone with no arms and no legs?

A nugget.

What did Stephen Hawking get for his B-Day?

Chocolate arm.

What does an armed bank robbery and Michael Jackson have in common?

Someone gets hurt.