Arms jokes

What does a man with no arms or legs do on Halloween?

Nothing.

Today, there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So, he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there.

When he was done, he realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So, he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it, my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”

I went to an emo kid who just got a haircut, and instead of saying, "Like your cut, G," I slapped his arm and said, "I like your cuts, G."

What do emos and guys with a durag have in common? They both have waves, just one is on their arm.

What has hands but can’t clap?

A thalidomide baby.

One time a blind person grabbed my arm thinking it was something else.

"Oh wow, this is such an interesting book!"

What can’t a person with no arms do: if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.

I asked my kid to give me a hand. That motherfucker cried while charging his mechanical arm.

A man went to the doctor, and the doctor said, "What happened to you?"

The man replied and said, "I broke my arm in two places!"

Then the doctor replied with, "DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!"

Knock, knock. Who's there? An armless person. Why? They got stumped on why they contacted you.

What do you say to a woman in a wheelchair with no arms or legs Nice tits

Them: What's on your arm?

Me: I'm training to breathe fire ;)

What did Stephen Hawking get for his B-Day?

Chocolate arm.

My arm has a different texture than the rest of me, lol.

What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas?

I don't know, he still hasn't opened it yet.

If you play the movie "Jaws" in reverse, it's a heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms and legs to disabled people.

The cannibal got angry, so he threw up his arms.

What does an armed bank robbery and Michael Jackson have in common?

Someone gets hurt.

A man wakes up in the hospital and says, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"

"Of course," the doctor says. "I amputated your arms."

A guy goes to Starbucks and asks, "Hey, if I can make you laugh, I don’t have to pay." The girl in the window says, "Okay." The guy says, "A little boy named Timmy lost his arms." The girl says, "Oh no!" The guy says, "And his dad left him when he was 4." The girl says, "Uhh yeah." The guy says, "Okay, I guess I’ll be paying then." The girl asks, "Okay, and what name will that be under?" The guy says, "Timmy, I’m Timmy."