Arms jokes

A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs.

He asks her why she is crying, and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her, then jogs away.

The next day, he finds her crying again, and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.

On the third day, the man sees her crying and asks her thrice. She tells him she has never been fucked. The man picks her up and throws her in the pond, telling her, "You're fucked now!"

What has 4 legs and 1 arm?

A pitbull dog coming back from the kids playground.

Most people think an octopus has 8 legs.

Actually, they have 6 legs and 2 arms. How can you tell which are the arms?

Hit it on the head. The two that go up to the head when he says "Owwww" are his arms.

A child is determined to burn his home down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm across the mother and stated, “That’s arson.”

I have a friend who has no arms, her name is Suzy. I always tell her this one knock knock joke, "Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" Not Suzy.

What's the difference between my arm and legs? Nothing. I slit both of them.

What do you say to a woman in a wheelchair with no arms or legs?

"Nice tits."

One time a blind person grabbed my arm thinking it was something else.

"Oh wow, this is such an interesting book!"

Why did the one-armed man cross the road?

To get to the second-hand shop.

I went to self-checkout at a store and I scanned my products, but the scanner wouldn't scan the barcode on my arm.

What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat.

An African man visits his friend in the US.

“I just flew in yesterday,” the African man says. “And boy are my arms tired!”

“You know, that’s kind of an old joke here in America,” replied his friend.

“Joke?” the African man said. “I’ve been holding my hands in the air yelling ‘don’t shoot’ ever since I got to this damn country!”

What happened when the American broke his arm?

He went broke.

I have an auntie who has no arms and no legs. She is my dad's half sister.

Why can't Sally swing?

Because she has no arms.

Knock knock, "Who's there?", not Sally.

Where did Sally go when the bombs dropped?

Everywhere.

How did Helen Keller lose her arm? She tried to read the stop sign at 100 MPH.

What did the kid who has no arms get for Christmas?

He couldn't even open it.

Three nuns are having a charity in front of the church.

A man in a trench coat walks up and flashes the three nuns. The first nun had a stroke, the second nun had a stroke, but the third nun, her arm was too short.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fish with no eyes.

Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg?

He's all right.