I went to self-checkout at a store and I scanned my products, but the scanner wouldn't scan the barcode on my arm.
What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat.
Why did the one-armed man cross the road?
To get to the second-hand shop.
An African man visits his friend in the US.
“I just flew in yesterday,” the African man says. “And boy are my arms tired!”
“You know, that’s kind of an old joke here in America,” replied his friend.
“Joke?” the African man said. “I’ve been holding my hands in the air yelling ‘don’t shoot’ ever since I got to this damn country!”
What happened when the American broke his arm?
He went broke.
I have an auntie who has no arms and no legs. She is my dad's half sister.
Why can't Sally swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock knock, "Who's there?", not Sally.
Where did Sally go when the bombs dropped?
Everywhere.
How did Helen Keller lose her arm? She tried to read the stop sign at 100 MPH.
What's the difference between my arm and legs? Nothing. I slit both of them.
Three nuns are having a charity in front of the church.
A man in a trench coat walks up and flashes the three nuns. The first nun had a stroke, the second nun had a stroke, but the third nun, her arm was too short.
What did the kid who has no arms get for Christmas?
He couldn't even open it.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fish with no eyes.
What did Sally do when she got home?
Cry because she has no arms.
I met a girl that was 6'5" and she fell on 9/11 and broke her arm. She really said "oh snap" like a twin tower.
A man was walking down the street with a swivel chair under one arm, a computer under the other, and a desk strapped to his back.
A policeman ran over to him and handcuffed him, saying, "I'm arresting you for impersonating an office, sir!"
Waitress: You wanna box for your leftovers?
Me: No, but I'll arm wrestle you for the bill.
Yo mama was so fat, Huggy Wuggy couldn't fit his arms around her!
"Hi, Mrs. Jackson, can Matt come out and play?"
"Oh, Johnny, you know Matt doesn't have any arms or legs."
"I know, we just wanted to use him as third base."
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
What does a man with no arms or legs do on Halloween?
Nothing.
