Ares jokes
I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.
“Are you still holding the ladder?”
The Trump family are flying from New York to DC when Donald looks down on the cities below.
Trump: "I think I’ll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy."
Melania: "Oh honey, why not throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten Americans happy?"
Ivanka: "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out the window and make 100 people happy."
Pilot: "Why don’t you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"
If Donald Trump is running against Bill Clinton, it's safe to say that we are witnessing the Lolita Express Erections...oops, I mean Elections.
The little camel asks his mother: "Mum, why do we have these big humps?"
"Because in these humps there is some water, and in the hot desert we can drink."
"And Mum, why do we have this large fur?"
"Because the desert at night is so cold, and then we don’t feel cold."
"And Mum, why do we got these big hoofs?"
"Because the desert sand is hot, and the hoofs save us from the hot sand."
"But Mum, what the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?"
My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are always up.
Hippity Hoppity, women are property. (sans undertale)
JFK: Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head.
Why do mermaids wear seashells?
They are too big for “B” shells, and too small for “D” shells.
What do dark humor and a person with scoliosis have in common?
Both are sick and twisted.
Girl, are you a rope? Because I want to hang with you.
Why are most absent dads mechanics?
They like to nut and bolt.
I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"
He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."
Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.
What do a mag and a clip have in common? They are both good at school.
What’s the best part about sex with twenty eight year olds?
There are twenty of them.
A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing.
The beer bottle says: "If you break me, you get one year of bad luck."
The mirror scoffs: "Oh, that's nothing. You break me and you get 7 years of bad luck."
The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing.
Did you know that a majority of the U.S. is afraid of the dark?
Especially if they are right behind you at the ATM.
A Chinese man and an Indian man are in a car. Who’s driving?
The driving instructor.
What are women allergic to and always try to dodge?
Accountability.
Roses are red, violets are blue. Don't touch the beds, they are sticky with white goo.
Why are there more female history teachers than male?
Because women like to bring up the past.