Ares jokes
Are you electricity? 'Cause I wanna get a bath with you ;)
Son: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
Dad: "Yes, we arson."
Why are pirates called pirates? Because they arrrrrrrr!
These murder jokes are just KILLING me!
Hippity Hoppity, women are property. (sans undertale)
Memes
Why are Americans bad chess players?
They lost 2 towers.
I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.
“Are you still holding the ladder?”
You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?
European.
The Trump family are flying from New York to DC when Donald looks down on the cities below.
Trump: "I think I’ll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy."
Melania: "Oh honey, why not throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten Americans happy?"
Ivanka: "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out the window and make 100 people happy."
Pilot: "Why don’t you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"
If you ever get mad, just hit an orphan.
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
The little camel asks his mother: "Mum, why do we have these big humps?"
"Because in these humps there is some water, and in the hot desert we can drink."
"And Mum, why do we have this large fur?"
"Because the desert at night is so cold, and then we don’t feel cold."
"And Mum, why do we got these big hoofs?"
"Because the desert sand is hot, and the hoofs save us from the hot sand."
"But Mum, what the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?"
My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are always up.
JFK: Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head.
Why do mermaids wear seashells?
They are too big for “B” shells, and too small for “D” shells.
Fat people are the reason we have double doors.
Girl, are you a rope? Because I want to hang with you.
What do dark humor and a person with scoliosis have in common?
Both are sick and twisted.
Why are there more female history teachers than male?
Because women like to bring up the past.
Roses are red. Watches are gold. Get on your knees and do what you're told.
What do you call a rich Chinese person? Cha-ching!
Ask Siri what rich North Koreans are there.
Siri: "I could not find anything for this question."