Ares jokes
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to.
Unless you are in prison.
"Bippity Boppity, women are not property."
What do you call it when an orphan goes to Panera Bread?
"Panera, my parents are dead."
“Who are the fastest readers in the world?”
“The 9/11 pilots, they did 30 stories in 7 seconds.”
The Cheerio Joke
Let's say you're in high school, and your popularity level was based on what Cheerio you are. So there's Extra-Frosty Cheerios as the most popular kids, the frosted Cheerios were the popular kids, the Regular Cheerios as the typical normal kid, then there's the honey nut Cheerios as the nerds and geeks, and then there's your Cheerio which is the Chocolate Cheerios. Now you want to ask this girl who's an extra frosty, you go up to her and ask her to Homecoming, but she declines.
So after school gets out, you go home and rewind. The next day you wake up feeling like a honey nut Cheerio, so you go up to her again and ask her again, she still says no. So you go home and rewind again and wake up the next morning feeling like a Regular Cheerio. So you go to school and ask her again, she still declines. So you go home and rewind again. The next morning, you wake up feeling like a frosty Cheerio. So you go up to her and ask again, still says no. Then you go home and unwind. The next day you wake up feeling like an extra frosty Cheerio. Feeling doubtful, you go up to her one last time and ask her. She finally says yes.
The next day is Homecoming, and you and your date are on the dance floor, and she wants punch. So she tells you that she's going to go get punch. She goes and gets punch and is back in 30 seconds. You ask her why it was so fast. She replies with; "Oh there wasn't a punch line."
It's okay to tell a Stephen Hawking joke if there are stairs in your house he can't get to you. Plus, he shut himself down, so it's all good :)
Mom, why was I adopted?
Because people are terrible, and that’s how the world works, son!
Ok, Dad, the world is TERRIBLE!
Bro, I was told that "LMAO" meant launching missiles at orphanages. Well, I LMAOed. I don't think they are ever gonna see their parents again.
Three nuns are having a charity in front of the church.
A man in a trench coat walks up and flashes the three nuns. The first nun had a stroke, the second nun had a stroke, but the third nun, her arm was too short.
Someone asked me, "What are them scars on your arm?" I thought I was playing a violin.
Rape: The only crime where you have to tell the victim they couldn't do anything even if they could run or say something, then after, are told rapists stop them doing something about it.
Old man goes to the doctor.
The doctor says, "The test results are back, and I'm sad to say you have cancer and Alzheimer's."
The old man says, "Phew! At least it's not cancer!"
Bully: Gina, why are you such a whore?
Gina: Because they hit me on the butt!
Bully: Yes, that must be cute!
Gina: Hmmm...
Gina: Do you want???
Bully: 😍😍😍... sexy ass!
Bully 🖐🏻🍑
Gina😊
What does a rifle and a microwave have in common?
They both go "Ping" when they are done.
Why are orphans bad at hide and seek?
Because they can’t find their parents.
The school shooter: "I finally found you worthless crybabies!!"
The Quiet Kid: "How are a bag of chips and a mac11 the same?"
The school shooter: "I don't know."
The Quiet kid: "When you pull them out everybody wants to be your friend."
Are you going to SHOWCON?
What’s SHOWCON?
Show con these nuts.
You know why I don't buy Velcro items anymore? They are a total rip off.
Q: Why did China take over Tibet? A: Because they china exploit foreign resources and keep it for themselves like bitch ass jerks.
Btw, these are real facts despite the CCP ́s propagandist narratives. #FreeTibet #FreeHongKong #FreeInnerMongolia #FreeUyghers
If you're Canadian in the kitchen, then what are you in the bathroom?
European.