Ares jokes

I remember my grandfather's last words:

"Are you holding the ladder?"

Why can't you play poker in the jungle? Because there are too many cheetahs!

Are you Google?

Because you got all I am searching for.

Barack Obama and Tork Poettschke are at the Natural History Museum. They stop in front of a showcase.

"These are the eggs from the ostrich!"

"Aha, and where are Trump's eggs?"

My sister looks like Santa Claus.

"You are so pretty?"

"No, too many people!"

Why are Russians forced to drink grizzly bear piss in Russia?

Because vodka in Russia is weak.

They're teaching my 1st grader pronouns! Today it was he/she/they. Tomorrow, you/are/is!

Are people still mad at Hasan from that dog incident? All he wanted to do was become the world’s first lightningbender.

When you are trying to write a speech about Columbus, don't make a joke that he was on a seafood diet because the audience might think you and Columbus were fat. You know, 'see food, eat everything.'

Roses are red, violets are not lime, if you turn around, I will fist you anytime.

I just found out, these jokes are about dead people.

You are so ugly, when the Joker saw you, he stopped laughing.

Why are vampires always sick?

Because they are coffin.

I hate stairs. They are always up to something.

I love stairs. They are always down to party.

How are baseball and an orphan different?

A baseball game you can do a home run.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I need your peach, and I'll torture you with a speech.

When you see your mom.

Me: bruh

Her: Are you serious right now bro?

Me: Yeah no shit.

Her: *slaps me*

Did you know that soccer fields aren't made of 4 million crayons? They are actually made from grass. :)

Abortions are a way for whores to dodge accountability.

I know this girl, Kamelah. She say, "What are you looking at?" I said, "I’m just tryna figure out why it look like Santa stole your hairline."