Ares jokes
Why are most politicians in the closet or gay?
Because all they can do is mandate.
Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?
Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.
Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!
Stacy: lol
Why are the Twin Towers mad?
Because they ordered a pepperoni pizza, and I got plane'd.
Teacher: Tim, where are your parents? It's been 15 minutes!
Tim (Orphan): Yeah um, they can't come.
Teacher: Why not?
Tim: They're too busy working in heaven.
Roses are red, violets are blue, Alexander Boris de Pfeffel had wine and cheese while your loved ones died in the ICU.
Roses are red, violets are blue, Tory shirts step in doodoo.
Roses are red, violets are blue, don't let your kids next to Prince Andrew.
RYAN MY BELOVED SON WHERE ARE YOU?
My jokes are like your dad, you only see them for a few days.
Are you an abstract manifestation of my childhood traumas and recent memories combined? 'Cause damn, you look like you came out of a dream!
Why are the towers working out? They have big thighs!
When you tell the men in the suits you can see that the demons of your sins are watching you...
But they know you're blind.
Hippity hoppity, women are property.
You are like my girlfriend: imaginary and non-existent.
Me: Are you an alien?
Friend: No.
Me: Yeah, because you're too ugly to be one.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
Jared from Subway touches the youth.
You say this to your friend, "Damn, your nuts are bigger than mine!" *thinks the wrong way*.
Friend: I must order more nuts.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Terrier.
Terrier who?
Your Halloween decorations are terri-fying!
A man has been dating a girl forever. He finally says, "I love you." The girl says, "Aww, thanks." The man looks at her, "Are you not gonna say it back?" The girl says, "No, I can’t."
What are the similarities of an orphan and a water fountain?
They both sprout water.