Ares jokes

My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day:

Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you're told.

A husband and a wife have four children. The oldest three are tall with blonde hair. The youngest is short with brown hair. The husband was on his deathbed and said, "Honey, can you be completely honest with me? Is our youngest son mine?" The wife says, "I swear to all that is holy, he is your son." Then the husband died and the wife muttered, "Thank god he didn't ask about the other three."

Like if you think rape jokes are funny.

Why are Muslims not fond of American cops?

Because Muslims don't like pigs!

My sister thinks she's so smart, she said onions are the only food that makes you cry.

So I threw a coconut at her.

Emo jokes are not funny, so cut it out.

Why do people not play Uno with Mexicans? Because they are always stealing the green cards.

All the Muslims are pissed off because 24 hours after Chuck Norris went to heaven there were no more virgins left.

Being an orphan isn't all bad. On the bright side, all your snacks are family-sized.

People in 1912: "Titanic is unstoppable, even God couldn't sink this ship."

God: "Bet, where are my icebergs?"

Why are Japanese people's eyes so squinted?

Do you know how bright an atomic bomb is?

Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.

Why shouldn't you tell a secret in a corn field?

Because they are full of ears!

Now that was a corny joke.

And yes, it was rather a-maize-ing.

What do physically handicapped gay men do after they are done belching? They wipe their mouths on their light blue handkerchiefs after they are done sucking cocks.

A girl and her brother are walking in their garden. POV: Brother. Sister: "Why are you cutting those flowers?"

Brother: "Because they're beautiful!"

Sister: "I thought you said you cut yourself because you aren't."

Brother:......

Friend: "You are so ugly." Me: "You can't be talking, you give Freddy Krueger nightmares."

Roses are red, violets are black, I traded my son for 10 Big Macs.

So, I had an orphan friend, and he asked me, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, I just wanted to remind you." Then I asked, "How are your parents?" After that, I never saw him again.

Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So, they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Roses are red.

Violets are blue.

Once I'm done choking you,

You will be too.