Ares jokes

Seatbelt

    • Welcome onboard Sexist Airlines. Everyone, please fasten your seatbelts now as we are switching to a female pilot.

  • 3

    • Whale

    • I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"

  • 3

    • Atom

    • Two atoms are walking down the street, and they run into each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I’m positive!"

  • 0
    • Ares memes

    Steak

    • A man walks into a bar and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. When he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says, "If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone's drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try?" The man decided not to take the risk. He thought the steaks were too high.

  • 8

    • Egg

    • Are you enjoying my yolks? I bet they're making you crack up. If not, I better scramble.

  • 4

    • Woman

    • What's the similarity between women and car parking spaces? The good ones are always taken, and sometimes when nobody's looking, you slip in the disabled one.

  • 4

    • Grandfather

    • What's the difference between flat earthers and my grandfather? Flat earthers are more disconnected from reality than my grandfather is disconnected from his life support.

  • 1

    • Canoe

    • A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren't that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."

    The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."

    The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."

    And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."

    The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them.

    The guy from France said, "For France!" And drank the poison and died.

    The man from Britain said, "Long live the queen!" And shot himself and died.

    And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, "Make a canoe out of this, you fuckers!"

  • 27

    • Suicide

    • Allan: What are you doing Saturday night?

    Museum girl: Committing suicide.

    Allan: What about Friday night?

  • 2